Splicing of Changes (Editing)

Chapter 4

People say that teenagers do not know anything. They are not adults yet. Well, that statement is just wrong. We do know things. We might not have lived for say at least two decades on this earth, but the things we face make us grow up. For some, they have a choice, and they grow up with time and progress normally to adulthood, but for me that was not an option.

My choice was sort of take away, stripped away more like when I was 4 years old. Yes, a toddler barely learning about the world, not really here on this Earth too long to know many things. I was forced to learn them as soon as Tori pulled a disappearing act on me. Usually, it is the parents' job to teach their child things, spend time with them, show love and care, so that the child has a carefree childhood, one they might reminisce about later on in their life. Yep, mine does not fit that category. No loving, doting parents. In fact, they were barely present. My loving sister, who took care of me, fed me, played with me and spent time with me even though she was 16 and a teenager with friends and responsibility. Yet, she took me on as one of her responsibilities. Tori was my everything. I knew she was not my mom, but she might as well have been, the way a mother actually cares for her child. My mom was a special case, and I was not her priority. So when Tori left me, all hell broke loose. There were times I prayed to know, to see a sign that Tori was at least alive. Sometimes I hated her for leaving me, sorry most times, but there were times I was kind of glad she got out. Even though, after she left, my parents were more present, after all, she was cut off from their lives. It was a different story. As weird as it was growing up with them, I still had my parents. Even though they were not your typical parents in every way possible, they were still my Mom and Dad. Yes, I could not go to them if I had a problem, nor did I run to either of them if and when I got hurt, but they were there at least. Don't know if that is good or worse, but now I know it is worse. I mean they were at least alive. Not dead leaving me orphaned, to figure out this thing called life, living with my long-lost sister, in a new town. It is way too much, way too fast, even for me who had to figure out so many adult things at 4.

My dad was a businessman, meaning he was important. He had clients, his office and his job always took priority over me. And mom, well she was his fan. Whatever he said, she followed. She never really showed any of her own personality. I remember Mom just being the person at dad's beck and call. Even when he came home drunk of his ass, screaming in the middle of the night, scaring the living shit out of his 6-year-old daughter. Mom will take care of him without a word, leaving me at the top of the stairs to figure out how to keep the nightmares at bay. There have been nights when I woke up scared, screaming because of a nightmare. They never came to my room to check on me. One time Dad did come, but not to soothe me, but to scold me for being afraid. I don't remember what caused me to have nightmares. Hell, for all I know, he could be the reason. But Mom never came to soothe me, kiss me goodnight. No one did after Tori left. It sounds awful, I know. Yet, I miss them. My parents. They were there in their own weird way.

I never got to know what my mom did though it was important. She seemed an important person like dad, but she never told me what she did. The only thing I can think of now is that she did something that dad would not approve, but that is impossible considering she followed him like a doll. Like a lost puppy, more like it, always tending to his needs, anticipating his needs and helping him even when he was an asshole. Yeah, growing up earlier than I should have to, I learned very early on the tell-tale signs of when my father was being an asshole. I had no real love for that man, no real respect ever. But I never portrayed such things in front. After all, I lived at his house. Hence, I always showed my poker face, making him happy with me, leaving me to live my life the way I wanted till he needed me. He did need me, at times, to attend office parties just to tend to his clients' kids, keep them entertained. It was never fun for me, but I never showed resentfulness. After all, he gave me good pocket money, never really enforced a thing called curfew, never really cared if I was out partying or not. As long as I showed up and did the things he asked of me, I was good. It used to make me angry when my schoolmates used to say their parents grounded them. I wished someone would. But then I loved the freedom as well. Funny thing is, no one called me to check up on me if I was out for hours on end.