Splicing of Changes (Editing)

Chapter 46

New day and new...let's just say revelation. Why revelation because I recently realized that I feel different things for Lee, my best friend. I find her sweet, cute and even sexy sometimes. That's not normal, right? Plus, I feel a tug at the thing inside my chest. I am referring to Maize's heart. It's not that I am afraid of feeling things, but I am scared of falling in love again. It's not that I feel I would be cheating on Maize. No, that's simply not possible. Because she owns my heart and I her, quite literally. So that's not the case. But the fact that the last person I loved died, I am scared for people I feel things for might meet the same fate. And I cannot take it anymore. Too many funerals I have been to, and I am not even an adult yet, legally, that is. So, falling in love for me now is a strict no, no. Therefore, next best option for now is to avoid those 'fluttering' in my heart. Put on my best stoic face and ignore the fact that I am falling in love with my best friend yet again.

Now, there is another person who is willing to help me. How you ask well by being my friend and maybe more if someone asks but strictly friends as per our knowledge. Now if you ask why, it's simply because that person is in love with someone else but scared to tell this person. Who am I talking about? Its none other than Jeffrey or Jeff as he allows me to call him. He loves Danny. Jeff is bisexual and came out to me because he felt safe. I didn't understand what he meant because our friends accepted me and Danny. That's when he said that people perceive bisexual girls different than bisexual boys. I never knew that. Now I am shocked learning that. This is why Jeff is scared to tell people and Danny as he is not sure about 'current' Danny's views. 'Current' Danny because he is still being a depressed little shit. It's also because he tries to be a jerk when anyone tells him to stay sober. Although he never said that to me after learning about Maize. Then again, I never asked him to stay sober I asked him to share with me. Maybe that's why he is so cool with me. It's been so long any of us saw sober Danny. I think the last day would be the day we learned about Silver. Silver's passing affected all of us but Danny mostly, which makes sense after all they were best friends. And I think the thing that makes Danny sadder is the fact that he didn't know about Silver's illness either being her best friend. I understand that sort of. Huh! Maybe that's why he is cool with me.

These last few... days or weeks or is it months now? I am not sure about time anymore. Well, they have been different. Not only for me as I realized my feelings and I have my suspicion that Lee might like me too. But that's scarier, isn't it? It has been different for Jeff as well because he realized he liked Danny and me as well. Hence his discovery about his sexuality. I feel honored that I helped him in some way, but I feel like I need to help him more. Because now that I know about this difference in views people have, I want to help more. He is my friend and even though I do not like him like that, that does not mean I don't like him as a friend. Yes, I have friend zoned him. He knows that he pretended to be sad at first then he told me who he really likes or possibly loves. So, we are okay now. He knows I like someone, not who though. Another problem is I don't think I know if Charlie even likes girls. I mean I cannot remember her saying anything regarding her sexuality. Well, I don't think she dated anyone either. So, there is that. Currently I am on my way to the hangout as we are all meeting there. We go to the hangout now, not every day and it's not easy for any of us. But we have somehow managed to overcome our grief regarding the place and stepped foot into the building almost regularly.

"Yo Jeff!" I yell as soon as I spot him sitting on the ledge facing the lake.

Jeff turns seeing me and give me a wide smile. I feel someone bump into me, and I turned to see Lee. She mumbles a 'sorry' lowly and walks into the makeshift roof of the building. As soon as I walk towards Jeff, I feel someone glaring at me. I turn to see Alice. Jeff is now frowning again. And I sigh. This is normal. He talks and smiles with me and maybe with Danny if he can stop blushing that is. Because I tease him. But otherwise, Jeff is still silent and frowns with everyone else. Why? He won't tell me. I mean the others were his friend much before I came into the picture but apparently, he feels safe and at peace when he is with me. I am just glad that I can help him at all.