Splicing of Changes (Editing)

Chapter 53

Remember I said I excel in running figuratively and sometimes literally. Yeah, that's exactly what I did when we had the chance to talk. Or when it seemed like Lee will be talking about our kisses no matter what. As I sat on the couch with Lee and Alex. I looked at Lee, her expression, her eyes. It was then and there I knew what I had to do within the next few seconds. While my dear Charlie was ready to talk, I surely was not. It was not just about discussing what the kisses implied for me it became so much more. So, when I realized the weight on my lap is from Alex, who left my mind for a few seconds. Instantly I got up, picked Alex up in my arms, who gave me a puzzled look of her own and I ran to my room. Well, me being me, I basically limped to my room. The little nugget in my arms did give me some stern looks because of it. But I ignored her looks and concentrated on running, well limping as well as on Lee, who I left on the couch. I did notice Lee give me a small smile and shake her head as if she knew what I did and why I did. And instead of being angry she found it funny. Although that makes me think, did she expect me to run only, whenever we try to talk? I mean if she did, she is not wrong given what I did. It is a little funny now that I think about it. Wasn't I the one thinking about the fact that we have not talked about our almost kiss then our kiss? And now when Lee was ready to talk, I limped away from there. I deserve some pats on my back for being absolutely ridiculous.

So, now we have not talked about it. Lee did not try again and neither did I. Although judging from my behavior I think I will do just about anything to avoid talking about it. Well, that's one way to avoid it, I guess. I mean if we never discuss it there is no way for my heart to get broken again but if we do then there is a chance......well I don't think it will be the 'but' part. When is it ever in my life? It's been about a week or maybe a little bit more since that Saturday. Lee and I hold hands from time to time. This time consciously. We hug and sometimes even cuddle to sleep. Rest of the things we did during our 'new normal' period remained the same except we do not kiss. I guess it makes sense because till we talk and understand what is happening and what it is that we are doing, kissing just does not feel right. I will lie if I say I do not miss.it. Even though we have kissed consciously twice but it still feels like it's something familiar to me. Guess all those unconscious pecking is adding up.

School is going well. We are all sad because this is the last semester of high school meaning we will soon be off to colleges most probably not the same one. I mean I am thinking of taking a gap year although I am yet to inform Tori about it. I have no idea how she will react though. Judging by her recent clinginess I can assume she will be happy. But then again this is my education we are talking about, and she is very serious about it. So, I am afraid she might ask me to reconsider it. But I do not think I am ready to leave her just yet. I just found her even though it has been about a year maybe even more. But I need more time with my sister before I leave her even for college. Also, the fact that I have no idea what to study in college plays a huge part. I mean I can barely say I like one thing to consider majoring in it. And I think I need a break. I mean I have said it before as well after Silver's funeral that all these incidents in my life are taking a toll on me. By that I mean I just want to cuddle up with my sisters and niece and nephew and just stay there. Forgetting the outside world, erasing the things happening outside. Yeah, okay Lee can come inside the bubble and stay with me. Huh! That's an interesting realization to have. I just thought Lee is allowed inside my bubble and yet I refuse to acknowledge my feelings for her when they are so blatantly visible. I am just being stupid, aren't I?

In shocking news, my friend CJ, the jovial, talkative one, who is also a junior now have clamed up. I mean I know I have mentioned it before that something is up with her, but I never got the chance to talk to her regarding that. I remember the first time I noticed the change in her behavior was right after Silver's death. So, I was not really in good head space to help her or talk to her. But now I think I am in better headspace than before, so I tried talking to her this week. It was also because I saw her weird behavior in my one of my classes which strangely, she is taking. I mean she is a junior, but I guess she understands stuff more hence why she is taking classes with seniors. I do remember her being a good student and she was always eager to learn more and do her work correctly. But when I noticed her being careless in class, I knew I had to talk to her about it. Also, the fact that she does not talk anymore, she rarely smiles. And her clothes. She always wears full sleeve shirts or t-shirts, and never in her size. Always a size bigger than her actual size. She also started wearing turtlenecks recently. And temperature here is not exactly ever that cold. Hence it piqued my interest more. Along with the fact that she did become my friend once but somehow somewhere along the way we drifted apart. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with that boyfriend of hers.