𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋

03.

I SAT IN CLASS -- sitting on the floor under my desk, hiding from the world. My body was trembling from the coldness of the classroom and I felt pain in my muscles. I felt like crying because I had been working nonstop for the last few months without taking a single break.

I hated my life. I was embarrassed by my miserable and hectic life People say to be grateful because I have a roof over my head but I can't be grateful. I can't be grateful for my boring house with mould tiles and leaking ceilings. 

I had almost fallen asleep when the teacher called for everyone's attention and I went up to sit on my seat when my eyes moved to the angelic girl standing by the teacher. Adeline Bexley is back from her adventurous vacation. Woohoo.

"Our student, Adeline Bexley, is back from her family emergency. I heard it was very critical, I hope you're okay, Adeline." the teacher said, and a few chuckles were heard from the class.

I scoffed in annoyance, family emergency, my ass. I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

"I hope you all will be nice and help her with the work she has missed." the teacher said before telling Adeline to sit.

a smile found Adeline's face as she looked at the back of the class, everyone's eyes following her movements as she walked confidently to the back of the class as if knowing her destination and sat with the 4C.

Let me explain who the 4C is. Caspian, Cassius, Christian, and Casper. It's pretty confusing and a coincidence how their parents decided that they would name their children with the letter C as if they knew that they would get a group name in high school. Ha! that was a joke.

I can only explain them with the words; asshole teenage boys with endless money to ruin. 

Cassius' father's is a business tycoon, who is currently living his life in Italy after abandoning his son. Christian's father is a business tycoon, he has been rich for generations. Casper's father is an investment banker. Caspian's father owns multiple hotels all around the world but I swear to God, they're underground mafia with their shady stuff.

I glanced back at the five before looking at Madeline and Lillian who started talking about 4C and Adeline.

One thing about quiet girls are that they are observers. they are known as harmless. people talk about anything and everything in front of them because

"oh, she's quiet! she won't say anything and she also have no one to talk to!"

"so? she can't hear us and if she can then she won't tell anyone."

maybe they are right. the observers don't expose but they know everything. how much food you ate or about the text you told your best friend about or your embarrassing secret.

I had been like that. people didn't mind me being there when they talked about stuff. Sometimes, they even told me some absurd things believing I won't tell anyone.

but one wrong word and I can ruin your life, expose every single secret with just a click and everything cam be sent to the high school group chat.

♡

"hey, listen, as you know I was gone for an emergency. can you write all the previous history notes for me?"

adeline asked me when class was over and I was about to leave. Her friends were standing behind her.

I can't even write my own and you want me to write yours? Say no, Amethyst, say no.

My eyes went to four boys behind her and I looked away quickly after meeting their intimidating eyes.

My hands clenched on my bag and I swallowed her spit before nodding depsite not wanting to do any work.

"thanks!" adeline said, cheerfully and walked out of the class with the four boys.

I sighed and slapped my head repeatedly. you should've said no stupid bitch.

I walked out of the class and went to my locker to keep and take out notebooks before walking away to the bathroom.

I stood in front of the mirror, fixing her uniform. her eyes shifted to her face and her hands movements faltered on her uniform.

I knew I was pretty. average pretty. the kind of pretty to look at but not gawk at. not so extraordinarily pretty that the whole school would die to be with me.

If my face wasn't average enough, my noticeable skinny figure only ruined my beauty further more.

I was skinny, with little curves to no curves. I had reached my body goal on how skinny I wanted to be. but I didn't feel happy. I got the body I wanted but still it didn't give me the happiness I thought I will get because starvation had made me numb.

I know being skinny is the beauty standard which is why I am starving myself but there's a certain point of being skinny that turns into disgust rather than adoring.

People like skinny but with curves, skinny but not so skinny that people think you're either suffering from a disease or you're anorexic.

Beauty standards are the most fucked up thing to exist and yet I can't help but try fit into each and every one of them to feel something.

It's the same with overweight people. You can be chubby cause it's cute but not so chubby that it is seen as "unhealthy" and overweight.

I was obsessed with keeping my body in the current state it was that I couldn't stop for a second and be grateful for it because I was busy caring about calories.

I had thought that once I will reach my body goal everything will be fine in life. That I would be happy, that my body will feel good as if my whole life be turned right and I would be able to eat whenever I wanted but now that I am at my body goal.

I'm scared that if I eat more than my usual calories, everything I've worked for will go to ruins. That there will be no point of starving myself to lose weight.

"uh, excuse me, can you help me? I need a pad," a voice broke my thoughts and I turned around to look at which stall it came from.

"sorry, i don't have a pad but... i can get it for you," I said. I don't carry pads or any menstrual products because I haven't gotten my period in years.

I left and asked for a pad from madeline before running inside to give it to the girl.