Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { June } Playing Revenge

Reviewer: june_berrin

Client: brownguiltyeyes

Chapters reviewed: 8

❥ Title/Cover: The title is direct and attractive. No beating about the bush instantly lets the readers know of the genre. It matches your story plot and the overall theme of your book well. The cover is pretty, but the picture used in the background is not very visible. I had to squint my eyes a bit to see it for the first time. It has been darkened a bit too much, I believe. But when seen, the background picture looks good, and I personally believe it could have been better if there were more colors added to the palette, like red or any such, to give out that mafia feeling. The title font is also good; it is very visible, as are the other writings on the cover. I am not a big fan of the color scheme used; it could be me, but I believe there could have been a use of more colors rather than the monochromatic usage of black and white. But otherwise, the cover is pretty and well-connected to the title and plot.

❥ Blurb: I like the blurb; it is hooking and gripping. The way you posed questions at the end further solidified the intrigue that I had. Reading it, I felt given the book. It feels professional and on point, with the perfect amount of information leaked from the plot. And you have managed to convey it mysteriously, too. I like how you used two adjectives all the time, like danger and deceit, answers and revenge, courage and sacrifice, etc. I found it amusing when I read them.

❥ Storyline: The storyline is a cliche-type plot twisted to flow down an unknown new path. Because I have read a lot of stories, the way they were played out was different from this one. So personally, this is a new experience for me reading a Mafia book like this. So far, the storyline is interesting. If I were to ignore the errors in the book, I might even get invested. Which I did. So yeah, great work here.

❥ Writing Style: The first chapter was intriguing; it sets the mood of the story. I especially loved the starting line; it was interesting and a really good one. The character's voice is strong, and we also get a glimpse of Maxine's family dynamics. But I feel it was very small; the ideal chapter length on Wattpad is 1500â€"2000. Sometimes you can stop at 1000; your current first chapter feels shorter than that. Even though, at the end of the day, all that matters is quantity over quality, the better you write your chapter, the more interested the reader will be. But your first chapter compared to your second is massively different in size; there is not a proper scene in it. After a few dialogues, all of a sudden there is a sudden shift in the MC's mood. Why don't you play around with that? Include a scene of the MC and the sister, or give a bit more background information conveying to the readers how your mother used to treat them both when her sister was alive. I recommend being consistent in the chapter length so that when the readers start a chapter, they know how much time they need to spare.

Other than that, the smoothly' in the first chapter and the first paragraph feel a bit redundant and forceful; I would suggest removing them. It is conveyed meaningfully well, but the sentence used could have been structured better. I like the idea you are trying to convey through your writing, but you seem to be having trouble here. It is conveyed meaningfully well, but the sentence used could have been structured better.

The continuity from the first to the second chapter needs to be worked on. I was expecting a bitchy mother, but it was Maxine who was a bitch. I don't know; I got confused for a while, and I had to reread the first chapter to further clarify. If that was not an intentional one, then I suggest you clear that out.