ʟɪɢʜᴛ ꜱᴘᴇᴇᴅ | 𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣 𝙟𝙖𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙧

𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙆 𝙍𝙀𝘿

012, 𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙆 𝙍𝙀𝘿

.⋆𐙚 🍒

IT'S ALWAYS SLOW AT FIRST.

That's how it begins.

You let someone into your orbit-just a little. Just enough to warm your skin. You tell yourself it's harmless. Fleeting. A flicker, a spark you don't dare to name. You stay guarded, careful. Eyes open. Walls steady.

And then you blink.

And they're closer than you meant for them to be. Closer than you ever said they could be.

By the time you realize they're close enough to burn you, it's already too late.
You're caught in the gravity of something that doesn't ask for permission. Only surrender.

And that's what it felt like-with Eren.
Like I'd stepped over some invisible line I'd drawn in the sand, not realizing I was dragging pieces of myself with me.

I should've known better.

That moment at The Grill- the way I froze when I saw her sitting beside him. Lacy. All long legs and practiced ease, glossy lips brushing against his ear as she whispered. She didn't even have to try. She just was.

Perfect. Golden.

Everything I wasn't.

I'd felt something hollow out inside me before I could catch it. A quick, clean scoop to the chest. Like I'd let myself forget who I was. What this was. Like I'd been stupid enough to believe that maybe-just mayb e-the way Eren looked at me meant something.

Stupid.

God, I was so fucking stupid.

Embarrassed, too. For thinking I'd ever escaped the orbit of who I used to be. Like I'd evolved past it, only to fall right back into the same gravitational pull with my eyes closed and hands open.

The truth was- I'd always been like this. Guarded. Braced for impact. Because this is what happens when you start hoping for more.

You get replaced before you even finish your slice of pie.

So now?

Now I was back where I belonged. Behind the counter at the 24/7 café. Sleeves rolled up. Eyes dry and raw from lack of sleep. Hands moving through the motions like choreography I didn't need to think about anymore.

It was familiar. Safe. Predictable.

The soft glow of the Edison bulbs had faded to amber, washing everything in a kind of tired warmth. The espresso machine hummed like a heartbeat in the background, and the world outside had blurred into grayscale stillness. There's a slowness that comes after 2 a.m.-not silence, not quite. Just pause. Like the whole world's holding its breath.

Including me.

I leaned against the counter, stats homework open beside me, pen dragging lazy loops in the margins of a page I wasn't even really reading. My head felt heavy, eyes stinging. Limbs like driftwood.

But for the first time in days, I wasn't thinking about Eren. Not really.

I was just here. In my own orbit. Alone. But steady.

"You look dead," Petra called softly from the back.

Her voice sliced through the stillness like a ripple through glass.

She stood near the prep station, towel slung over her shoulder, one brow raised like she already knew the answer.

I blinked up at her, lips pulling into a crooked smile. "I feel worse."