You Must Remember This

Chapter 41 - Haunted

Wakanda, 2016  

"No..."

A concerned voice reached Bucky at his weak whisper, but he couldn't make out the words. He heard nothing but the further breaking of his heart.

"Please, no."

Somebody touched his shoulder, but he couldn't see who it was. The only thing his eyes saw were the written words before him. 

"No, God, no."

It was all he could say. All he could pray for. Hope for. No, not that. Anything but that. Evelyn would never have allowed it. She would never... She... 
A numbing wave crashed over Bucky. The journal fell from his trembling hand. The sound it made when it hit the ground resonated through him, shaking him to the very core of his being. Something clicked. Memories played in his mind like the reel of a moving picture. Memories not his own, yet still part of him. 
Not his bedroom in Brooklyn on a November night, but a medical room in HYDRA's lair. His body against hers, hands at her hips. Her whimpering moans as she bit down on her lip until it bled. The tears and anguish brimming in her eyes.

"No, no, NO!"

Bucky cried out, convulsing and thrashing against whoever was holding him down. He pushed them off, not caring if he hurt them. His own pain was too much to bear. It stripped all numbness and made him feel again. All-consuming agony stabbed at him, twisting his insides until the innocent boy from his childhood and the flawed, love-sick man from before the war were gone. Only a fractured, monstrous creature remained. It had to die. He had to die.
Pushed by this one desire, Bucky scrambled up and frantically searched his surroundings. There had to be something he could use. Anything! His eyes then fell on the window. He punched through it with a guttural grunt. The glass instantly burst, casting broken pieces out on the streets fifty feet below. One foot was on the ledge. 

"Barnes, no!" 

Someone jumped at Bucky, locking their arms and legs around him. He stumbled back into the room, losing his balance from the extra weight. Desperate to be free from this heart-wrenching ache, he struggled against the unyielding grip. When they still refused to let go, he deliberately dropped himself to the floor.
A crack. A sharp wheeze. The grip loosened around his lower body, but the pressure build around his throat. It was getting harder to breathe. His vision slowly blurred, but then, a glistening caught Bucky's attention — a jagged shard. 

"Barnes, don't you dare!"

His fingers briefly touched the broken piece of glass before his adversary jerked him further up their own body, pulling him out of reach. Bucky elbowed them in their side. They yelped. Their hold slackened. He reached again and snatched up the shard. Blood flowed from his palm and fingers as the sharp edges cut his flesh. It didn't hurt. Nothing could. He had already moved beyond physical pain. 
Bucky's arm went up, ready to plunge the glass into his own throat, and then... he froze. No matter what he tried, Bucky's arm remained stagnant in mid-air. Something had taken hold. Not the other person, but something invisible — inside of him. 
A fist collided with Bucky's head. His ears rang. Another punch, the same spot. A red haze fell over him as he stared at the blood dripping onto the floor. One more punch. His arm dropped. His eyes closed. A single thought, a single name, lingered as he succumbed to darkness. 

Evelyn... 

***

Steve and Sam hurried up to the medical wing. They'd been on the verge of taking off to LA when Shuri called them over comms, telling them Natasha and Bucky were taken to the infirmary after being found unconscious and wounded. But when the two men finally arrived, they quickly saw the pair hadn't just gotten into fisticuffs.