In the Closet (boy x boy)

19. Nicknames Are for the Girls and the Gays

Tuesday, April 11th

It all started with an innocent gaze at Tavish when he wasn't paying attention. He didn't even notice the first few times. And it ended with him seeking me, settling his gaze on me over and over. Utterly shameless.

"All I'm saying is, I know an obsession when I see one," Barb says with a snap to her tone.

There's a brief moment before my ears fish her words out of the hallway's chatter and allow me to assess them. In the mean time, I stand there, eyes searching Tavish's despite me. He doesn't usually share the same hallway I do between classes. I don't know what's with him today. I don't ever know what's with him because he's terribly, undeniably him. He never returns my gaze. He'll never share my guilty interest that will never serve any purpose, that will never see itself evolve into more. He's stunning today, not that he isn't any day, but today he seems to have dressed up. The collar of a button-up sticks out from under his jade sweater, the fabric of his cream pants stretch over his muscular thighs. I wet my lips absently, let my eyes wander a bit too low for comfort and rise them back up to his face. He's handsome, I knew that already, but it feels like more today. Like there might be more in the way I feel about him, a "more" I don't want to elucidate at all.

Just as I comprehend what Barb's saying, she snaps her fingers in front of my face. I jolt back. She rolls her eyes but I see in her smile that she isn't mad. As she opens her mouth to speak again, Blair walks by, bumping shoulders with her. His playful grin and the way she returns it is telling. She watches him walk away with his friends and her cheeks colour. I raise an eyebrow at her knowingly. She seems a bit embarrassed for a moment but quickly regains her usual wittiness.

"Don't pretend you're not the same, worse even. Just fucking talk to him. Oh, I think you drooled a bit." She points at my chin and for a second I consider she might be serious.

When I wipe the area under my lower lip, she turns her frown into a shit-eating grin and I know I got screwed over. Then, as her gaze strays away, her face falls and I follow her eyes. Tavish McCloud stares back at me and winks. My mind splutters.

---

Wednesday, April 12th

It was just stupid wink and a lot of teasing from Barb, I thought it would be left at that. But Tavish, in his usual stubbornness, didn't allow it. I sit in English class, physically there but mentally anywhere else.  Through the window, I watch birds twirl in the sky and some people flee a hallway supervisor. There's a sudden soft impact of something with the back of my head. To it's crumbling noise and the pointiness of it, I guess it's a paper plane. I flinch and spin my head around to see where it came from. Unsurprisingly, Tavish waves at me, smiling wide. I turn away, annoyed at him and his tricks and the flutter in my chest. Barb glowers back at him too. The teacher stops in her speech about gerunds, notices Tavish, eyes the paper plane that crashed onto the floor next to me and then glares at Tavish.

"Out," is all she has to say to have him out of there and fast at that.

---

Thursday, April 13th

"The laws that attract..." The start of the sentence is enough to make me lose focus on the science class. Or maybe it's the constant prodding Tavish afflicts to my lower back with the tip of his shoe.

I don't even know how he managed to both slip in here and manage to get through the attendance without being kicked out. The science teacher is the least tolerant of all with attending classes without being enrolled in them. The class stretches on, the clock ticks faster than expected. I learn to ignore the source of disturbance behind me. Eventually, with a subtle squeeze to my shoulder, Tavish excuses himself and leaves. I sigh. It doesn't take me long consideration to raise my hand steadily.