To Soar With Wings of Light

Melancholic Beige

Valerio Shihab was firm in certain beliefs: art was, sadly, an underappreciated, undervalued profession to choose for a sought after career path; cold and cloudy days were superior to warm and sunny ones; tea, no matter what flavor, wasn't perfect unless it was paired with sweet creamer; and love, at least in his case when it came to romance, wasn't real.

Heartbreak, previously a passing stranger, was now an intimate partner whose desperate claws embedded themselves into his person. Sleepless nights, pangs of sadness, and disappointment which came in waves at random intervals weren't situations he was prepared to go through on a regular basis. A strange sense of relief accompanying those feelings was confusing to experience as well.

The culprit?

Only one person was responsible for so much negativity, alongside a new, festering sense of self-doubt: Valerio's now ex-girlfriend, Julianna.

In hindsight, Valerio wished he would have talked himself out of taking time off from school to be with her. Traveling with someone who didn't even want to save their relationship was mentally taxing. While seeing new places was a wonderful experience, fond memories were sullied by the fact that he was knowingly putting off the inevitable.

Cutting himself loose of Julianna's hold was something Valerio needed. Still, he couldn't lie by saying the ordeal in its entirety—both the relationship and the breakup—didn't cause him immense pain.

Because it did.

Although he'd been single for a few months now, the damaging effects of staying with such an incompatible partner were still being felt. They robbed him of a healthy sense of security, trust, and willingness to put himself out there again when it came to having anyone in his social circle.

That's why, while smoothing out the fabric of a thin collared sweatshirt, Valerio didn't experience the slightest hint of excitement when it came to being back at school.

If anything, he was nervous. A tad out of place too.

First days at school, no matter if you were in elementary or university, always started the same. A teacher half-hungover, still coming down from the effects of a long summer break, greeted their students with fluctuating levels of enthusiasm. They would go over a lengthy syllabus, discuss what books would be needed for the course, and talk about what was expected out of their students in terms of intellectual capabilities. Then, gears would be switched to an awkward, rather unnecessary round of "introduce yourselves by giving your name and a random fact about you which no one is going to remember in the next five minutes".

How fun.

In both previous years of attending college, Valerio's first couple of days saw him crammed into a group of students by his professor in hopes that everyone would make friends. Putting himself out of his comfort zone was still nerve wracking, yes; but the prospect of actually doing it hadn't filled him with dread the way it was now.

Valerio wasn't planning on making friends, finding a romantic partner, or seeking anyone out for a weekend of fun or the occasional one night stand.

For the foreseeable future, his life was going to consist of sketch pads, charcoal pencils, and long hours spent working over a drafting desk.

Focusing on his studies would (hopefully) make it easier to ignore any lingering emotional pain caused by his breakup. If things happened the way he wanted them to, bouts of inner turmoil would compress and bury themselves until nothing was left in their wake.

What came after was up in the air.

Right now, Valerio's sole concern was getting to the dining hall for a late breakfast before his first class.