Estella [ On Hold ]

Introduction

ESTELLA POV

According to some people 15  years is a fairly young age to undetsan the basic fundamentals of life and its hardship. 

But I beg to differ because life in itself is an every moment lesson kind of class that takes your tests when you are not ready and declare you a failure without giving you the proper chance to properly understand the exam

The first thing i learned in the kindergarten was not alphabets or counting but the difference in being an orphan and having your parents or family by your side 

The importance of blood relations was engraved in my mind way too early in my life

As far as i can go in my memories there are faded images of an orphanage and so many children playing around and getting adopted by my foster parents 

My foster parents were loving parents to me until Sophie, their biological daughter was born after 2 years of my adoption.

 After her birth i became a nuisance to them and not a child they adopted

After sometime they decided they were better off without me and decided to return me to the orphanage they adopted me from. But i like to call it disposing of unwanted child 

My life at the orphanage was nothing less compared to hell with the constant bullying and reminder of being abandoned not only by my biological parents but also foster

By the age of ten my life was only about being transferred between foster homes and accepting the fact the nobody has truly ever loved or wanted in my life

I knew I was among the few lucky foster kids who were not being abused but in my heart i could never acknowledge it because what i truly wanted was not safety but love. OR so i thought i did

They always say you never understand the importance of something until you lose it.

I never knew the importance of consent until mine was violated in a dark valley

Never knew the feeling of disgust of myself because of someone's crimes

The authorities could not find the monster who ruined my innocence and i was forced to live with the feeling of self loathing

I wonder if living is even worth for someone like me ?