Has this ever happened to you? You see something or think something and then you must write it or you can't sleep.
I saw a movie tonight I've never seen before. It's called Vanilla Sky.
The movie is more than 20 years old, but this is the best line
and I quote :"Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."
With my whole heart I used to believe those words to be true.
I still do.
Almost.
Except for the guy I picked to have my youngest daughters with, he never figured out how to stop screwing up every second chance he ever got.
It's like one person you thought was so good no matter what was just wrong, all along.
The wrong guy
The wrong friend
The wrong lover
The wrong father
Notice though, I never said the wrong man.
Because real men are the right guys, they're the right lovers. They aren't liars again and again. They make the best of friends. They deserve wives that are good women. They deserve loving families and children. Good men make mistakes, but when they do sometimes hurt people they love, they don't do that over and over and over again. They don't say "what about me?" Every five seconds.
They don't say look what you did to make me do that, at least not to their children. They don't try to one up a heartsick teenage girl, they don't waste days with trash that would do that either and I'll tell you more thing for sure, real men don't keep throwing good after bad. Not money or love.
A real man. A good man does deserve every second chance he is lucky enough to get, because he knows in his heart that is full of love and genuine kindness how invaluable the love of a child for their father truly is and trust me honey, I've learned the hard way. Good men don't throw those things away for ego or anything shallow or superficial. Good people do have friends and families and people willing to lend a blanket and pillow. They have Thanksgiving, Christmas, and holidays with someone that will be there to open a door. They don't don't lie, cheat, and slink around until no matter how far they search, another second chance can't be found.
I still believe in good people. I still believe that for most of us every minute is another chance to turn it all around, and every day is always fresh with no mistakes in it, and every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings, but I'm going into 2024 with the realization that my kids are so much smarter than me, all my delusions of reunification are done, I'm closing that door. As for the man that gave me my two youngest girls, I can see he will never get it right. They offered more than one chance to be in their lives after he stepped out, he just went too far left. Which is fine with me at this point.They are still young enough to believe in good men and fairytales after learning that no matter how much you want to believe different, there are some men that aren't as good a man as they would have you believe, and the good sense to know the difference. My girls treasure the good guys that hurt themselves if they hurt them. My children are my pride and joy, the best good thing I have in this world. They did have their hearts bruised a bit, but not broken. They just learned a lesson to stop giving away second chances on someone wrong all the time and they still offer forgiveness when someone is actually humble and kind. They grew a little. I was sort of sad. They let go of the idea of their dad.
I noticed though there weren't as many tears, and everyone was smiling brighter than they had over these last few years.
I am a proud mother. I am more than proud of them. At the same time I can be sad that they are ASHAMED of him. He spouts about respect and hasn't seen his mother in how many days, or has it been years? He hasn't seen his children, spent more time behind bars than at any single job. His wife picks fights with children and wouldn't have raised her own even if she could have raised her own. Those are facts friends, not rumors. But they have to tell themselves something. So yes it does tend to trigger me when those two think they are on any kind of level to teach MY children anything about living, when their choices have them merely existing.
I shouldn't complain about a loser from the past, I don't worry about a guy that never knew what he had. But my daughters have a mother that teaches them what love is and what it's not. They know their only job is to love, respect, and support whomever they choose as long as they get that same love, respect, and support in return; for nothing else except being their bright, smart, sassy selves. They won't sacrifice their dignity, or self worth for any body. I know from the last weeks before the new year because I saw with my own eyes texts that no daughter should ever receive, words from a good father she would never have to hear. I saw her responses, proof that my daughters won't beg or take on trash from anyone, even when it comes from their so called father.
So if you're reading this yearly recap of 2023, I have high hopes for an even better 2024. This rant seems all too familiar, I think it's something about the holidays, just know when it comes to this subject I could go on an on in an attempt to understand the insanity that That Person ever played a part in my life. I kick myself for believing him when he is so unbelievable, it's funny. My girls, my kids are all doing great. They like to check up on him a bit and see that he's still alive, but they don't actually care if he wants to be a part of their lives. So I finally feel fine.
I'm just happy that he couldn't ruin everything for my children or me. I'm excited for the new year, but I'm ok with how the last year ended. I don't think I could have asked for anything better. I had lots of new art sales and customers, my friends, and my family. I didn't have to share my kids with anyone unworthy!
It was a win for me, I had a pretty great 2023 and if the next year is even a little bit as lucky. I feel beyond blessed and I'm more than thankful that I have the heart, smarts, and eyes open enough to see.
YOU ARE READING
A Last Look At 2023 Has Me Hopeful For 2024
RandomWell sometimes I stay up writing and then I feel better about things and I figure if this helps me sleep, maybe you like to read, so it might help you too. That's all. I'm just in the mood.
