Estella [ On Hold ]

21

ESTELLA'S POV

Whenever i used to look at other families, celebrating all the emotions together, i used to feel how strange it was for them to

Get angry at a person you love

Fight with a person you care for

Yell at someone for getting hurt

Hug or kiss them even when you were furious

As a young child the concept of human emotions was very very complicated to me. No matter how hard i tried, i never truly understood them.

As long as i remember the people at the orphanage always made us act like the perfect kids, someone who parents would like to adopt.

To see people caring for their kids even when they misbehave ?

To speak softly to them even when they tore their pants from the fall ?

I always thought it must be for the show. To make believe that they were the perfect family.

She saw how the people at the orphanage used to act so lovingly and caring whenever someone from outside came but the moment they left, the true monsters used to come out. Just like the one she read in her schoolbooks, the monster who loved to steal the smiles of young children for they were too evil to let the young innocent souls be free and happy.

 She hated those monsters vehemently. How they used to smirk so devilishly and call them in their sickeningly sweet loving voice only to leave permanent scars where no one will ever notice. 

She hated how those monsters who were supposed to protect those unfortunate little souls and give them the happiness the world failed to provide, took pleasure in the cries of the little children when the little kids nothing more than to disappear forever and never face those monsters ever again.

So she made herself act just like what someone would like in their child.

A child who won't complain

A child who wont throw tantrums

A child who wont cry

A child who will always be well behaved

And along the way she imprisoned her emotions inside the walls of indifference so high that she herself forgot how to feel them

When the books in the school library talked about the characters emotions i realized some people are lucky to witness the raw and pure emotions of human nature. I realized not everyone was not like the people at the orphanage or like my foster parents who only cared about their gains without worrying about the damage they did to the other person in their conquest of their selfish desires and greed.

I loved how the characters were free from the society and let their emotions free. I loved to know their fear , happiness, sadness , vulnerability and everything. It was so easy for them , imaginations on paper to feel so freely, the talent of the author to make the readers feel the emotions of someone fictional, when we fail to feel our own emotions freely let alone sympathies with others.