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Wednesday Morning

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I feel a bit underdressed for the first time in my history as a royal family member. The stylists gave me two options, and being sick of dresses recently, I chose the skirt option. It's a gorgeous outfit; a mid-length black pencil skirt with a white blouse. The blouse is amazing; it's got puffy sleeves and a brown polka dot design, while the hem comes over my lower stomach, so the little bloat I have isn't on show. With my sprained ankle, they've given me low-heeled knee-high boots so my ankle is supported. It's weird being my usual short self in public, but it's so much more comfortable.

We're not live on TV until after Hugh has signed all the papers. Kai has decided to address the nation from Buckingham Palace this afternoon after we've announced it to Parliament and done a ton of admin work.

We're currently in a meeting room in the Houses of Parliament, away from the main thrall of people and cameras. The news crews are already lined up on the grass opposite the houses, talking about this moment – a massive historical moment not only for the royal family but for the Commonwealth. There's not been an abdication in the family in over one hundred years – they told me when, but I can't remember it after everything. The moment is big and important, and it's super strange to be standing here in the presence of history being made. Well, important history, anyway.

Every moment you have in your life is history in the making. Every kiss you have, every time you make a choice, it all makes history. The moment I met Kai in the club and took him home with me was a massive choice, as was when I decided to keep Emma the moment I took the pregnancy test. The biggest moment was when Kai came and outed himself as who he really was, and when he told me I had to marry him to protect his reputation. Those moments may have felt insignificant at the time, but they all added up to make this moment.

Sometimes I wonder if we as a human race could go back in time and warn our past selves of the consequences of that one small, insignificant choice, would we end up doing the same thing? Would we change it just to see what happens?

If I could go back to the moment I slept with Kai that one night and tell myself that if I slept with him, one day I would end up as Queen Consort of England and the Commonwealth, would I still do it? Back then, merely last year, I was selfish and stupid. I would've given anything to stay out of any kind of spotlight. The only spotlight I wanted was the one given by my ex, Brayden. In reality, that spotlight would've been just a toxic dump when now I've given Kai the light to shine on me, it's a thriving West End show.

I wonder if I would've done things differently or if I would've done things the same. The weird thing is, I'll never know, but it would be interesting. Whatever I did, I cannot take back, and I don't think I would. Even the stupid things like wanting Brayden back and being clumsy on TV because otherwise, I wouldn't be where I'm standing now.

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