To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods

Author's Note

Hello fellow humans! I don't know if anyone remembers me, as it has been a while since I posted anything on the big orange site; it took me forever to remember how to upload a cover and add a chapter, hahaha! 15-year-old me is so embarrassed right now. I am no longer a spunky little kid writing English to practice her grammar... I'M A GRANDMA WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND TECHNOLOGY ANYMORE!!

I'm sorry I have not been in touch over the past few years. A lot has happened. Graduation and family deaths and career changes and the pandemic were a lot. But I have some (good, very good!!) news to share today because...

...

I AM GETTING PUBLISHED!!! I sold my debut fantasy novel called TO GAZE UPON WICKED GODS about a daughter of conquered lands, blessed with the dangerous magic of Death, who must choose between dying a hero or live as a villain who works for the dangerous enemy prince.

I found the first seed of To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods as a child in Harbin, wide-eyed as my grandfather used ghost stories to scare me into doing my homework.

To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods is the book of my whole heart. It is a book inspired by my heritage, the history of my people, and a love letter to all of my various ethnic minority roots. Written the summer after both of my grandmothers passed and I couldn't be home for their last days, I wrote all of my grief and regrets into Ruying. An anxious and frightened narrator whose fears mirrored my own traumas as a teenage immigrant, trying to survive a world so different from my home. Ruying is someone willing to do terrible things to give those she loves a better life, because so would I. If I could have one more year, month, week, day, or even hour with my grandparents, I am not ashamed to say I would make the same terrible decisions as Ruying. There is a reason why I spent 8 years writing and rewriting *this* book. TGUWG is a deeply personal story, and I believe heroines such as Ruying with all of her flaws and sharp edges and fears and selfish desires deserve to exist. This is the story inspired by the things my ancestors did to survive the coldest winters and so much heartbreaking history. Because unfortunately: heroes dıe, and cowards live. From the Siberia plateau to current-day Harbin.

It is a story about survival, and how far we are willing to go to protect those we love. It is grief and human desperation woven with the magic of my childhood stories and hopes that if my ancestors had magic, things would have been different. A psychological thriller disguised as a fantasy.

I have attached the first three chapters here on Wattpad, so you can get a taste of the book. If you can, I would love it if you could pre-order the book, or buy it on publication day (April 16th, so soon!). We are so close to being able to hit the New York Times, which almost never happens to Asian fantasy debuts and would be a huge thing for someone like me who learned English as a second language and was bullied all my life for not being "enough". I can't count the number of times people have told me that "no one wants to read Asian Fantasy", and I just want to prove them wrong.

Also, I know everyone is waiting to hear about a certain... Vampire book👀... I'm hoping if To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods does well enough I can convince my publisher to take a chance on me and work with me on DNDL as my next series, maybe... But vampire dystopians are a hard thing to sell from what I've heard and TO GAZE UPON WICKED GODS needs to do very well to make it feasible that Del Rey, my publisher, will pick up Dark and Dangerous Love!