The Regretevator writing dump / oneshots (regretefic)

an unpleasant realization

Unpleasant didn't quite care for what people said, or thought about him.

At least, that's what he says. that's what he gaslights himself to think.

In reality, subconsciously, he'd been soaking up the miserable mood he'd bring, all the over-reactions and all the insults like a tired, old sponge,  that can never expel its poisonous substance. All until it reached a breaking point.

and today seemed to be his breaking point.

he'd just revisited infected in the hospital, but kept being pushed away by the other elevator residents, once he'd even gotten 5 minutes of closure with his son Dr.Retro kicked everyone out, making unpleasant feel a bit guilty.

That guilt would convert to anger as the players decided to be extra little shits today, all the players kept throwing snowballs and the NPC's seemed extra spiteful towards him despite EVERYTHING that had happened. despite all that pain, suffering, and realization, no one in this godforsaken elevator changed.

of course they didn't. these types of people NEVER change, yet unpleasant clung onto what little fake hope he had in him. his small saving grace being that he'd exit the elevator on a random world after the tomatoes and insults got a little too over-bearing. The world itself being a quiet, empty bridge, reminiscent of something like the golden gate bridge, just probably for walking with the fences being lower than the usual standard.

he ran his finger through the tip railing of the fence, feeling how dusty and cold it was, the entire place was dark and windy, he should've known, he heard the elevator give a bold DING! as it closed and lifted its residents up to the sky, disappearing within the clouds. leaving unpleasant truly alone.

alone.

unpleasant had conflicted feelings about being alone.

maybe he just didn't like to be alone in the end.

he peeped through the railings and saw how much space was between this peculiar bridge and the deep, darkened water, unpleasant threw a stone he'd found laying on his foot, and it took a while before he could see the miniscule water ripple.

he shivered a bit, he particularly wasn't a fan of big heights, heck, he wasn't a fan of..anything really. a rather sheepish and cowardly thing. All thanks to the war that plagued his brain and childhood.

god..that war.

ever since...THAT, it felt like he couldn't have anything good worthwhile to cherish, he'd always have it ripped away from him like that. and it hurt, it hurt so, so badly. made him feel like it was useless to move on.

but here he was now. 60 years later, standing on the large bridge, intaking the clouds swirling in the dark, blue-green evening sky, leaving no room for stars but enough to see the faintly moon and birds flying with the partial windy weather, unpleasant flexed his fingers to feel the air, to take in the scene he's found himself in.

and yet he was a prisoner of his own mind no doubt. always having horrid flashbacks to the insults, the harassments from the players, the dead body of his lover- I mean- builderman right on his foot, his own blood staining the room thanks to his own son. the violence he'd experience in his highschool years, and the bombing...

nothing could ever get him to truly relax, not like that night in jeremys arms, not when he and his friend crashed and partied all night for graduation, the first he'd ever been drunk too..and definitely not when he first held the frail body of infected and thought "its him.", and not like that time he looked up and saw builderman's face reflecting off of the light, making him look angelic almost, making unpleasant have a spread of genuine tenderness across his smile.

this was all gone now.

everything that life gave him a taste of, violently ripped off, now all he had was the over stimulating elevator or just rotting in his home as it was too late for him to just go out and make friends, he looked too unnerving to do so, he was unpleasant to be around anyways...

in theory, there was nothing for him to live up to anymore, nothing to experience, he had like what? 30 more years to live? that is if the radiation won against his body who'd been fighting for over 4 decades, if he died here, nothing would make a difference, he'd die alone, sad and miserable.

the realization hit him like a semi-truck, making him have a flare of emotional responses, he trembled lightly and hugged his chest again, like he was defending himself from an invisible physical force, his tears streaming down his face like a waterfall of burning, salty snakes, falling to the floor to melt into little droplets of water. he let out a small sob, realizing again, that no one ever truly cared, builderman might have been an exception, but the others? not so much..that's why he couldn't move on, if he did, what will there be for him? 

nothing. 

nothing but misery, anger, resentment, and hate. all types of hate, like the hate he was experiencing right now, be damned to the NPC;s. to the players, to himself, his body, his broken state, for his postituting mother for ever bringing him into his damned world, to his father for letting his mom ever so hang him, for leaving him like that, even if he didn't care about unpleasant, at least he didn't smack him across the face like his mother, and damned to builderman for not choosing, damned on him for letting that thing maul him, damned on him for leaving him with responsibilities, don't get me wrong, unpleasant loved infected like his own son, but sometimes, just sometimes, he felt like he would've had less of a burden on himself if he'd just left infected, that'd be replaced with the fatherly guilt of ever thinking that. But now? nothing mattered, not his thoughts, not his life.

so, after letting just a fraction of whatever bottled up insanity he had left within him, he walked over to the railing, traced with his fingers one more time, and managed to climb over it despite his brittle nature, and stand over the little edge to the plummeting exit of the bridge, holding the railings behind him, he took a breath of the fresh, almost salty air and looked below to see his next step in life, or rather, his exit to life.