The One That Got Away

Chapter 1: William Shakespeare's Sonnet 87

To: Harold Canlas <htcanlas03@gmail.com>

From: Sheila Prudence Yañez <shey.yañez@gmail.com>

Subject: William Shakespeare's Sonnet 87

Harold,

I'm sorry that this letter took weeks to write. It was difficult for me to acknowledge our relationship for what it really is — a one-sided affair that went on for too long. As you see, I did not have the courage to stop pretending that what we had was real – that we became a couple for romantic reasons and not because you were lonely and I was available and persistent.

You have always been truthful and if not for that truthfulness, I would have drowned in sorrow and resentment years ago. Thank you for being upfront with your feelings; thank you for not taking advantage of my heart and thank you for being honest even if I paid each honest word that came out of your mouth with my tears.

I did not write this letter to make you feel guilty. I know that this mess was my undoing and I want you to consider this letter as my parting gift to you. It's funny how I can almost hear your voice in my head telling me that I should have said goodbye in person. But I couldn't. I can't. Because I know that my heart will be in splinters at the sight of relief flooding your face when you hear that you're finally free from me.

So, for the last time, let me take the coward's way out.

I love you, Harold Thelonious Canlas. I am in love with you. Profoundly, unreasonably, and intensely in love with you. And although, I know that it is pointless to tell you something that you already know, still, I felt the need to include that confession in this letter in hopes that you won't feel that the eight months we spent together was just a waste of your time.

I love you. I love you even though I knew you were wishing it was someone else's hand you were holding every time you reached for me. I love you despite knowing that when you held me in your arms, you were imagining that it was someone else. I love you regardless of the fact that you tried to return my affection but failed.

It was not difficult to fall for you. I did so effortlessly. So effortless that I did not even notice me falling until it was too late and you've already become my sun, my moon, my heaven, my earth.

Countless times, I told myself that I shouldn't have hoped, I shouldn't have waited, I should have been deterred by your numerous rejections and I should have believed you when you told me that she was irreplaceable. But I was brave. And stupid. I thought I could change your mind. I thought that I could own your heart. But I thought wrong.

Let me come clean now and say that what happened last night was something that I planned. It was my last-ditch, desperate effort to bind you to me. But, that plan backfired because even at the height of passion, it was her name you called. And it crushed my soul.

I had hoped that you'd choose me over her in the end. But that end came last night and you didn't. And I realized now that you will never be able to let go of a promise and I will never be able to compete with her memory.

I wish I had heard you call her name out before. I wish I had recognized the pain in your eyes then maybe I wouldn't have clung to you as I did. I'm sorry for you and for her. I'm sorry for the love you lost and I'm sorry because I tried to break that love apart.

Goodbye, Harold. I don't want you to pity me. I don't want you to think that you are the reason why I bleed because the truth is I am the one hurting myself for not letting you go.

I love you. And I am crying, for the last time, because my love is unable to keep you.

Live well.

Yours then, yours always,

Sheila

To: Sheila Prudence Yañez <shey.yañez@gmail.com>

From: Harold Canlas <htcanlas03@gmail.com>

Subject: Re: William Shakespeare's Sonnet 87

Sheila,

I called you on your mobile phone as soon as I read your e-mail but I got a system-generated reply that the number is no longer in service. I tried contacting you through Facebook but I'm unable to search for your account. I am not sure if you blocked me or you deactivated your FB.

I didn't regret last night. I am hoping that you still find me worthy. Let's talk. Please.

Harold

To: Harold Canlas <htcanlas03@gmail.com>

From: Mail Delivery Subsystem <mailer-daemon@googlemail.com>

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:

Sheila Prudence Yañez <shey.yañez@gmail.com>

Technical details of permanent failure:

Google tried to deliver your message, but it was rejected by the server for the recipient domain gmail.com by gmail-smtp-in.l.google.com

The error that the other server returned was: 550-5.1.1 The email account that you tried to reach does not exist.