Love At War - Book 2 of Secrets Within

Amnesia

Title and chapter based on the 5sos song Amnesia - amazing song

Louis couldn't sleep, the pictures of Nick and Harry circling his mind as they stepped out of 17Black, the shimmering rings on Harry's hands glinting in the camera flashes like diamond on show. The front entrance. On show to the whole world. Something he and Harry never got the chance to do. Never had the courage to do.

It was like replaying the memories over in his head a million times, the times they had been in there, their secret little table. Harry hadn't come home yet, and he worried that Nock had really taken his place for real, of they had sat on Their table. Ordered their favourite meals. Sat with entwined hands with secret whispers and kisses despite the privacy, wanting to be as intimate as possible. Even if it was meant to be fake with Nick.

The last time he had kissed Harry properly was in the hotel room. after the show the day of the meeting, 2 weeks ago. Since then, they had been split up, sleeping in separate hotels, Harry with Nick, Louis with Eleanor. They weren't even allowed backstage together. He could still taste Harry on his lips for a few days, but now he couldn't, even if he remembered the taste like his favourite flavour.

But Harry was coming home tonight. Nick and Eleanor had gone home. He finally got him to himself. Finally.

He had asked the others to keep an eye on him, make sure he was ok, pass on messages from him because he couldn't use his phone. They said he was doing fine, but the longing look in Harry's eyes on stage told him otherwise. He looked lonely and lost, even when he was with Nick, as if he was missing a part of him. He was, Louis though. Louis was missing.

He had been sending Harry love letters, as cheesy as it seems, to keep up the contact, and Harry always sent one back. In his, Harry had admitted that he and Nick argued a lot, especially over Louis. Nick had developed feelings for Harry it seems, and he was trying to persuade him to leave Louis for him, which ensued in a big argument which ended with Harry going out and getting drunk, and Nick bringing him back home to keep up appearances. Louis hated it. Harry hated it. But they couldn't do a single damn thing about it.

Harry always told me that he was ok though. Assured me that he was coping well and that he could just about stand it. But Louis? Louis couldn't. Louis couldn't stand being away from Harry, and he couldn't understand how Harry could be so... So OK without him. Louis loved Harry too much to be without him, he craved attention, he craved intimacy, he craved Harry's touch, his scent, his everything. But Harry insisted he was ok, and Louis wondered exactly what he and Nick got up to. But Louis beloved that his and Harry's love was real, and that he wasn't cheating. But if their love was real, how could he be ok?

Louis remembered the day Harry packed his bags and left the hotel, telling Louis that management had given him more terms to abide with, and that he was leaving to another hotel with Nick, to make everything seems more "real". It was straight after the show the day of the meeting. Harry had gotten a phone call and Louis had known it was bad, the way that Harry's face dropped, how he collapsed to the floor in tears the moment the call was ended, his stage makeup running down his face in thick black streaks. He just have into them, Louis thought, he just accepted it all without question or protest. All the fighting promises forgotten as he packed his bags and left, even though Louis rationally knew that he couldn't have argued.

Louis had 5sos's new song stuck in his head. The chorus just fitted him so perfectly, he cried every time he heard it.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia

And forget about the stupid little things

Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you

And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

He constantly looked through his phone at all the pictures he had of him and Harry, or just Harry on his own. Since their separation, Harry had taken to emailing Louis selfies, or nicking Louis' phone with the aid of one of the others, and saving selfies of himself looking silly, just to remind Louis what he looked like, as if he ever needed reminding. Harry's image was burned onto his mind the second he met him in the X factor toilet, and he had no intention of changing that. The pictures made him feel lees alone when he was lay in bed at night, alone, flicking through channels, ignoring the others plees to come and play games, not feeling happy with them without Harry around. And the other couples made him jealous.

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on

It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long

More lyrics that fitted, Louis thought, as he listening to the song on repeat whilst waiting for Harry's return. Harry did seem happy with Nick. Nick was his best friend, and he could make him laugh and comfort him, make him look happy even if he wasn't inside. Harry hadn't moved on, Louis though, but sometimes it felt like it. And it hurt, yes, seeing and hearing about Harry when Louis hadn't in a long time.

If today I woke up with you right beside me

Like all of this was just some twisted dream

I'd hold you closer than I ever did before

And you'd never slip away

And you'd never hear me say

True, louis though, as he listening again. Tonight Harry would come back, he would wake up with Harry beside him in the morning, as if the whole separation had been dreamt up, and Louis would never let go of him again if he didn't have to. He never ever wanted to have to be away from Harry again. And he never wanted to say he missed him again.

And as the track drew to a close, as if on cue, Harry entered the room, shut the door and locked it behind him, and they made quick work of making up for two weeks of lost time, even if they had 3 days off to do that, why wait?

Because now I'm fine again.