It's been a while. And I miss them so much.
A year. That's how long its been since the accident. A year, yet it seems so much longer.
My father and my two brothers were killed last year. A semi truck t-boned them at an intersection a few miles away from our house. My twin, big brothers. My only brothers. And my amazing father. Leaving me with just my mom and my sister.
They didn't deserve it. No. But it happened. My father was teaching them to drive. They were only 15. My father was 54. They were taken too soon. All of them had so much going for them. It wasn't right. The car rolled into a ditch, and they were all killed on impact. Toby was driving. Dad in the passenger seat. Jason in back. I'll never forget.
I was a mess after I found out. But who wouldn't be?
My mother cried for so long. My older sister Brianna was silent. She was usually the one always talking, but after that she just.....stopped. I locked myself in my room and didn't eat for days. I didn't want to. Jason, Toby, and dad would never eat again.
Katie, my only friend, tried to help. She tried so hard, but I knew she was broken too. She was like family and it must have been hard for her to put on a brave face and come to my house.
My house. All the memories. All the laughs, All the fights. I'd take it all back in a heartbeat just to see them again. I couldn't bear to be in the house anymore. It was too much, like a ghost haunting us all. We moved a few months after the accident.
Katie told me, not long ago, that she wrote a poem when everything happened. She gave it to me on Toby and Jason's birthday.
The loss was tragic, too much to hear.
I didn't know what to do, all I did was lend an ear.
They had their talks and taunts
Only now the house does nothing but haunt.
Her mother cried when they died, and her sister had nothing left to say.
She was lost in her own world, forgetting that I was there
Never saying a word, there was too much pain and despair.
I tried to help her, tried to move on.
But she was so closed off, almost too far gone.
Katie's poem was deep, considering she hadn't written much before. We were all sent to therapy for a while. Mom dried her eyes, I came out of my room, and Brianna started talking again. Katie was there, and we all got better. Little by little, bit by bit.
I won't pretend like I didn't feel guilty. For a long time I blamed myself. I was convinced that it should have been me, not them. But the therapy helped. And I know that God did this for a reason. He needed my dad and brothers with him and he needed me here.
I got a bracelet from Katie too. It was a charm bracelet. Dad loved baseball and Toby and Jason played golf. They taught me how to play and because of them I love golf and baseball. I still practice what they taught me. I have a charm for my father and each of my brothers. There is a golf one for Toby and Jason and their names are carved on each golf ball. The baseball charm is for dad. His name is engraved on it too. On the back of each charm is the date they were killed. I never take the bracelet off. It makes me feel close to them.
It still hurts that they're not here. Brianna has Toby's skateboard and I Jason's books in my room. Mom has all of Dad's baseball stuff. I guess it helps us to remember the good things about them and to try to keep them close. But its not the same as having them with us. Toby was quiet and Jason was loud. They were opposites, but they were both so alike. They let me hang out with them and didn't pick on me because I was their little sister. (I was fourteen when they died.) And my dad. He was always trying to teach us something.
There are still bad days. Days when I won't even leave my bed and I stare at a wall or cry for hours. But it takes some bad days to find the good. I still miss dad and Toby and Jason. I love them and nothing can take their place in my heart. But I'm getting better. We all are.
Its been a year. And I'm still not completely okay. I miss them so so much. But I'm trying to get to okay. Dad, Jason, and Toby always told me to keep trying. So that's what I'll do. Keep trying.
A/N: Thank you for reading this. It means a lot to me. I can't dedicate this story to a lost loved one because my family and friends are (thankfully) still here with me. But I want to dedicate this to them because it made me think about what if they weren't. My best friend lost her mother to cancer a few years ago. My mom was friends with her mom and losing her hurt a lot of people. So I want to dedicate this to Kristi Leahy. My best friend Kayleigh is on Wattpad and she wrote about her mom and everything so please check her account out. Her username is YodeLEAHYhoo. Finally, I want to dedicate this to anyone who has lost someone close to them. I've seen what it does to people and I want to say you have my condolences. I am here if anyone wants to talk. I will listen and try to help. Please listen to the song attatched, its a really underrated song and not very popular, but its such a perfect song for anyone dealing with losing a loved one. Ily guys, message me anytime.
In loving memory of Kristin Leahy (1974-2010)
