A 14th Century Love Story

Rashes are Red, Boils are Blue...

A long time ago in 14th century England, there was a peasant named Gelle. She was pretty chill for a peasant. She didn't have skin as pale as moonlight, but she did have a shit ton of acne bc no one knew about personal hygiene. She also didn't have hair like silk. It was more like a bird's nest with a couple of dead rats in it, because there was a legit bird nest with dead rats in it. Gelle wasn't as hot as like, Ye Old Beyonce, but she was better than Mary from Next Door. Mary from Next Door got shanked in the face while fighting Jane who Lives Two Shanties Down for a piece of bread. Gelle didn't get shanked in the face, so she was a solid 4. A 4 was good back then. Trust me.
Anyway, Gelle was good enough for the dudes of her area. I don't say "town" because that would mean there's actual houses, and peasants don't live in houses they live on piles of shit. A classy peasant would live in a shanty. Gelle's family were classy peasants so they lived in a shanty. That's probably why the dudes of Gelle's area wanted to "pick her cherries", as the hip dudes say.
It was hard to get Gelle's attention bc she had high standards. Her standards were basically what girls nowadays want: he has to be hot and nice. Well, hate to break it to ya Gelle, but you ain't gonna find any "hot" dudes bc everyone back then was ugly. BUTT ugly. Some people even looked like butts. Just Google "14th century peasant", if you don't mind being blind.
So basically dudes wanted Gelle, but Gelle was delusional and wanted a boy who could be hot AND nice, so no one was getting anywhere. Except this one dude named Dan. I'm not gonna describe him because it's not like he's a total hunk of meat or something. Actually, he basically WAS a hunk of meat bc that's what he looked like. Meat. Meat that's been ground with one of those kitchen meat hammers with spikes.
Anyway, all the chicks of the area wanted Dan to be the father of their children. Idk why, he's ugly. But back then everyone was ugly so maybe he was a higher calibre of ugly. Maybe that's why he's called Dan Not As Disgusting As Some. Or maybe that's bc he doesn't eat his shit. Who knows?
Dan had standards like Gelle, though. His dream girl was a girl with nasty ass hair and a shit ton of acne and who hadn't been shanked in the face (I'm fairly sure his mother dropped him as a baby, if that clears up why he has weird standards). Every chick back then had nasty ass hair and a shit ton of acne, but not every girl hadn't been shanked in the face. Like Gelle. It was a match made in heaven (Or by the Church, because in the 14th century, the Church was in charge of everything.) Except Dan wasnt hot enough for Gelle, so he had to come up with something to make up for it.
He was going to write a love story for her, but then he remembered last month when a different dude had the same idea and was burned at the stake for writing about a vampire. So Dan decided to try the classic pick up line/flirt route.
Dan stalked Gelle for awhile before finding the perfect moment to spring his pick up lines, which was after she finished stomping rats in her shanty and took a moment to rest before gathering the rats to eat.
"Hey girl, are you diphtheria because you take my breath away."
Gelle looked up at Dan. Dan didn't know what else to say but he had come up with a lot of pickup lines so he was just gonna say those until she stripped and banged him.
"Did you fall from heaven? Because Idk what angels look like and the priests wont let me read the bible so I was just wondering.... You cute tho." Gelle blinked. Dan thought that meant she didn't like it, so he went back to the fatal diseases lines. Those always work.
"Are you smallpox because you make me want to itch my balls." Gelle was blinking a lot more now. If this were the 19th century, she might be blinking Morse code. But this is 500 years earlier so she's probably blinking Norse code (I'm sorry that was a horrible pun please forgive me). Why is she blinking so much, is there something in her eye? Is shE A WITCH?? Just as Dan was about to scream and proclaim her a blasphemer, she stopped blinking.
"Sorry if I'm scaring you with my blinking, but those lines were so beautiful I'm having trouble trying not to cry. And I can't cry bc tears are water and water is like bathing and bathing is totes against my religion."
'Woah. She's not a witch AND she's total Catholic trash. Just my type,' Dan thought.
After hitting it up for awhile, Gelle said she needed to be getting on with her chores, and Dan felt like it would be a good idea to let his amazingness sink in before he took the courting any further, so they spilt up, but not before promising to meet again at a later date.

What will happen when they meet again? Will they finally get to makin' some babies? Or will something completely unexpected happen? Read the next part whenever I decide to release it to find out! *winky face*