The Story That Didn't Want To Be Written | Spencer Reid x Reader

Nightmares

But honestly, that's also what scared you. They were all so good at their job that you worried constantly that one wrong move would send them diving into your personal life, that they would be able to see right through you as soon as you gave them the chance. You loved them for who they were.

But you weren't ready to share all of yourself with them. You had problems that even you could barely handle sometimes, and the thought of having more expectations, of having more people you felt like you needed to impress, to be vulnerable to- it terrified you.

So instead, you go on letting them believe you were fine and you appreciated the rare moments with them where you could just be yourself without them knowing who that really was. Moments like this.

You closed your eyes, a light smile on your face at the newly relaxed atmosphere of the jet.

And then you heard it.

Faint whimpering- sounds that might come from a small child when they were afraid. Your eyes opened slowly, still fully awake and suddenly very alert, you lay your eyes on a still asleep but now shaking and sweating 24 year old genius. You look around the jet, no one else is awake.

Shit

Your heart breaks for the poor boy, you know he'd had nightmares before but you've never actually seen him have one. Derek has mentioned him waking up yelling a few times, but never crying.

You stand up slowly, so as to not wake anyone else up on the jet. You walk over to where Spencer's head is on the couch and neal down next to him, sitting on your knees and being eye-level with his right shoulder. He's sleeping on his left side. You can see his entire fact, it's contorted to resemble a look of udder fear and panic, and he is crying soft tears- not like the aggressive kind of tears you cry when you're scared- the soft, slow tears that leak out of your eyes when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is.

He's shaking too, ever so slightly. You know he isn't cold because he's also sweating, so you look at the rest of him to see if anything can clue you into why he is suddenly in so much distress.

Nothing pops out to you- he is attempting to self sooth, his legs pulled up half-way to his chest and his hands gently grabbing the insides of his elbows, crossed over his chest as if he is trying to hug himself.

It only gets worse. Soon he's whimpering louder and crying harder, his hands grip his elbows tighter and his breathing is labored. He isn't being loud, his noises are actually relatively quiet but you could swear they're the loudest thing you've ever heard- almost shocked that no one else has woken up with how loud you can hear his cries in your head.

You decide to wake him up.

You're nervous because you don't want to make it worse, you're scared he will wake up and only be more afraid and confused, but you also don't want him to keep having to relive whatever trauma is currently plaguing his mind.

Gently, you place a hand on his upper shoulder, rubbing circles in his shirt and applying barely any pressure.

"Spencer, you're having a nightmare" You say softly, trying to lift him out of his dream without scaring him. It doesn't work, and he starts shrinking under your touch. You shush him as he starts to whimper louder, continuing to rub circles in his shoulder.

"It's not real Spencer. You're safe, we are on the jet heading to Pittsburgh for our next case" His shaking slows down and you move your hand up and down along his shoulder, brushing past his neck and continuing to move it until you stop along the side of his neck, feeling his pulse. It's fast, and he still isn't awake.

You take your other hand and use it to rub his forehead gently, moving your hands through the front of his hair. This proved much more effective as you can feel his pulse slow down dramatically, but it is clear he is still dreaming and it's not a long time before he starts shaking his head and muttering something to himself.

"I don't-" his voice breaks. "Please, please" he sounds so scared. "Please, I don't want it, I-I don't want it" His breathing is becoming more sporadic and his pulse is so fast and so strong, it's a wonder his heart hasn't exploded yet. You decide it's been long enough, and so you start moving your hand through his hair faster and allow your nails to scrape along his scalp ever so slightly. Moving your other hand that was resting on his neck, back to the top of his shoulder, shaking him lightly.

You feel his muscles tense before you see his eyes open, frantically looking around in a panic as his brain moved too quickly to register where he was. You remove your hand from his head, knowing holding someone's head as they wake up without knowing where they are is probably scary, and you grip his shoulder lightly. He's sucking in the sharpest breath you think you've ever heard a person take and scrambling to shrink into the couch, trying to get away from you like it's going to save his life.

He watched you with unfamiliar eyes, not really seeing you in front of him, as he lets out a series of half shrieks-half sobbs. He is full on crying now and as you try to coo at him,

"Spencer it's Y/N, it's just me, we're in the jet you're safe. Hey, it's okay, you're okay!"

You see the lights flash on and the rest of the team fly out of their seats at the sound of Spencer's screams. Before you know it, you're backing away to turn the light off because all that seemed to do was scare the poor boy further, and seeing the rest of the team gathered around him as he looked at Morgan, a flash of recognition passing through his eyes that we can immediately all identify.

Without another word, Morgan was kneeling down in front of Spencer, pulling him into a tight hug as he continues to shake and sob, his breathing coming out in short bursts as the rest of you can only watch.

Morgan cradled Spencer's head as his other hand wrapped around the man's shoulders, his fingers drawing patterns in Spencer's back as Spencer buried his face in Morgan's shoulder- grasping tightly at the fabric of Morgan's shirt like if he let go even a little bit, his friend might disappear. 

Remorse filled Derek's eyes- not knowing what else he could do to calm the poor panicked boy in his arms- squeezing him tighter in hope the pressure might help him feel secure. 

"I-I was" He lets out a loud sob like a child waking up from a nightmare would. "W-was there with him" he can't seem to stop gasping in between words, clearly being sent into a full on panic attack. Morgan just holds him tighter and motions for the rest of you to pull down one of the curtains and walk away from the already overwhelmed man. The last thing you hear before JJ pulls the curtains closed is Morgan shushing his friend and assuring him it was all fake, that he was safe.