Italy In The Spring [h.s]

4

All I want to do is talk to him. I just want to talk everything out so there's no awkwardness left between us, and yet here I am, unable to get any words out. I want to explain to him how Timothée makes me feel all of those things he wanted me to feel. I want to tell him that I'm happy, and ask him if he is too. I just want us to be able to talk like adults, but I can't say a word without getting choked up and feeling like all I'm doing is disappointing him.

He exhales and his breath stirs my hair, "I don't like it."

His words make my heart stop, and I finally manage to tear my eyes away from my lap. Tilting my head back to look at him, my breath hitches in my throat at the close proximity of our faces. "You don't like what?" I ask, already knowing what he means.

"I don't like seeing you with someone else," Harry admits, eyes searching mine, scoring themselves deep into my soul and tugging on the strings of my heart. "It's fucking tearing me apart, Aurora."

"You told me to find someone else," I remind him, breathless.

"I know I did," he nods his head. "And I fucking hate it."

I close my eyes and push myself away from the kitchen island, rising from my chair and distancing myself from him, "Fuck. No, Harry. Don't say that."

He stays where he's at, and yet I can still feel him surrounding me. He's everywhere and nowhere near me at the same time.

"Do you hate me?" Harry asks quietly.

"Do I- No, Harry. I don't hate you," I shake my head, wrapping my arms around myself in an attempt to call myself down. "But you can't just... say things like that. Not now. Not when I'm happy and with someone else."

"So you're happy then?"

I squeeze myself tighter, "I am. Timothée makes me happy. Isn't that what you wanted?" My heart is crumbling inside of my chest as I say these words, and it's taking everything in me not to fall to the floor. "Isn't that why you left me? So I could move on and be happy?"

He runs his hands through his hair, resorting to pacing the small space between the kitchen island and the sink, "I didn't come here to win you back. I came here knowing you were with someone else. I just didn't realize how much it would fucking break my heart."

I didn't realize how deep we would be getting with this being our first conversation. But I guess it's for the best, so we can get everything off of our chests and go from there. It's just so painful to be doing this so early.

"We don't... have to talk about this right now. We can save this for another day-"

"No," he stops me, pausing his pacing. "No. I want to talk about this now. If we don't, then this is only going to grow worse between us."

I nod my head in agreement, swallowing harshly as I fidget nervously back and forth on my feet, "Can we go outside? I feel like I can't breathe in here." His eyes rake me over, softening a bit once he sees how tense I am.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Flow-"

He stops himself.

My heart shatters.

Not because he stopped himself from saying it. But because he had almost said it.

"Aurora-"

"Give me a second, yeah?" My voice cracks and I flee from the kitchen without waiting for him to give me an answer.

Flower.

He had almost said it, and I know that if he had, then I would've lost the rest of my strength and collapsed to the ground. It's hard enough to be near him right now, but to hear him almost say that nickname... it would've been too much.