Free Falls and Second Chances

Chapter 6: Torn

Dalawang taon din akong hindi nakakauwi sa probinsya namin nun dahil nga sa pandemya, kaya naman nilubos-lubos ko talaga yung bakasyon ko. I spent quality time with my family and old friends, and for a while, I seemingly forgot about my worries. Living in the moment lang ganun.

The only downside of the vacation was that, every once in a while, hindi namin maiwasang mag-away ni Trev. He had this attitude na parang nai-insecure sya whenever I was happy without him, with other people. Naiintindihan ko naman na may abandonment issues sya, but lately, his constant paranoia irks me. I started feeling pissed about him doubting my whereabouts, or whoever I was with, kahit kasama ko lang naman madalas yung kapatid ko.

In my mind, at that time, I was thinking, "tangina, ikaw nga kinasal ka dyan sa babaeng sinasabi mong di mo mahal tapos ikaw pa may ganang pagdudahan ako ngayon?". Ako yung tipo ng taong hindi marunong mag-express ng galit, pero nandidibdib. And I guess, it was the pent-up pain na naipon sa kalooban ko for the past two years that led me to slowly fall out of love with him.

Pare-pareho lang ang advice sa akin ng mga kakilala ko noon-- na iwan ko na siya at piliin ko naman ang sarili ko. Alam ko naman yun. It's just that, some things are easier said than done. Sa sitwasyon ko that time, di maatim ng konsensya ko na iwan sya sa ganung state of mind. I still hated to see him sad. Kahit papaano, marupok pa rin talaga ako sa kanya.

At the same time, I couldn't stop thinking of Gio. Panay stalk ako sa timeline nya. Minsan, nati-tempt akong i-message sya, kahit simpleng kamusta lang. But remembering that I was the one who ghosted him, di ko kinaya. Awkward kaya. Bigla kong di kakausapin ng ilang linggo tapos bigla akong magpaparamdam ulit na parang wala lang?

But the more I convinced myself to hold my feelings for Gio in, the more I found myself falling. At kahit na hindi ko man aminin sa sarili ko, I missed him badly. I really did.

A part of me felt bad for how I felt for Gio, knowing na kami pa ni Trev, but another part of me somehow tells me na I deserved to move forward. Na una sa lahat, di ko naman talaga deserve ang maging second choice. I should, I know. I just don't know how to pull myself out of what I entangled myself in.

My two-week vacation finally came to an end. Back to the "real world" na naman. Two days after I got back, I decided to visit the cafe where Gio worked. Not for him, of course.

Hmm...

Fine.

Partly because of him.

But mostly because I missed my favorite caramel macchiato.

Yep.

That's it.

And the sinfully cute barista who always seems to drizzle extra caramel on it because he knows that how I liked my macchiato.

Lol.

Medyo maulan nung mga panahon na yun. Jace, my college buddy, was the one tending the counter at that time, and he grinned at me when he saw me enter the cafe.

"Nariiii! You're baaaack! Bakit pa?" He laughed, and I grinned back at him. Baliw talaga to. Jace and I belonged to the same squad nung college, kaya kumportable kaming mag-okrayan. Like most college squads, ours went from the "squad na parang may iisang bituka" to watak-watak. Life happened, adulting hit us. Hard, mostly. Pero syempre, nandoon pa rin ang friendship and we all seemed to manage to pick up right where we left off pag nagkakasama-sama kami ulit.

"Makapagsalita ka akala mo naman di mo namiss yung napaka-cute nyong customer dito." I burst out laughing when he acted like he was about to barf. Gago to ah.

"HAHAHA! Bwiset, nagbakasyon ka lang ng dalawang linggo, kumapal na ng tatlong layers yang mukha mo ah. Ano sikreto mo?" The hell of a dimunyu was still laughing as he handed me the menu.