The Lie (Camren)

4. But Your Poison Was The Cure

The perfume on her neck was so intense that made me even dizzier.

'Shit I can't focus.'

"I'm going to pour us some wine," I said and left her right there, with her jaw on the floor.

"Bad timing, Lauren!" She complained, but I was already on my way to the kitchen without answering back.

I opened the fridge and picked up a bottle of white wine.

'What the fuck are you doing, Lauren? You don't want her.'

"Shut up fucking voice," I said angrily on impulse and picked up two wine glasses.

'Lauren, don't do that, it won't make you forget.'

I grabbed the kitchen counter desperately. 'God why? Why are you punishing me? I have been punished too much already for what I've done.' My breath had sped up. I had been fighting inside my head for a week now. I had to think of everything that happened with Camila. Like back then when everything was over. I hadn't thought about her for 2 years, I had really moved on.

I poured wine in the glasses nervously, avoiding thinking any more and went back to the living room, only to find Keana passed out on my bed. She was asleep.

'Karma?'

She was drunk as well. 'Since what time have we been drinking? Since the afternoon. What time is it now? My eyes landed on the laptop's screen beside the couch. It was already past midnight. 'When did the time pass?' I dropped the Keana's drink on the coffee table and took a seat on the couch, having mine in my hand. My eyes were pinched to the computer, unsure about what I was going to do. I took a sip of the tannic wine in my hand. My throat still felt dry, my eyes still pinched on the laptop's screen. I took another full sip and gulped it down, feeling it sliding through my throat. I left the glass on the floor and my sweaty fingers started moving. My god damn inner voice screamed to me.

And then I did it. What I didn't dare to do in the past two years.

"Camila Cabello"

My fingers shook while a knot blocked my throat. My heartbeat was so fast that I felt it in my throat along with the knot, like going to burst out of my chest.

My index finger touched the "Enter" button. I wasn't sure whether I should do it. Maybe it would be the biggest mistake of my life. The more I thought about it the more that soulless button attracted me. And then I did it. I pushed the button, aware that I had just done a mistake that I couldn't undo. I never wised up. I had done so many mistakes for her.

My laptop's screen filled with her countless songs, on YouTube. My eyes were glued to one of her songs, specifically on the picture of her face. 'How long has it been since I saw her?'

I felt my breath shaking due to my trembling. As much as I knew that I shouldn't, I needed like crazy to watch the video. Watch her face again. 'Jesus, am I going to listen to her voice after so long? Am I going to listen to that voice quality that gets me so worked up?' And then I committed the second mistake, that neither this I could take back. I heard Camila Cabello singing, after two entire years.

My eyes felt wet and then I realised I hadn't shut my eyelids for up to 2 minutes. Camila's face on my screen. If it weren't the feeling of my hot breath on my lips, I'd swear I had stopped breathing. Her brown almond-shaped eyes were just like back then. The right side of my lip twitched momentarily, in a failed attempt to smile. My lips parted as I observed her face. Camila, Camila after two entire years. Her eyes were the same, hadn't changed at all. They had that wit but mixed with melancholy as well. Her tanned skin, shined, betraying her origin. Even through the screen, I could see how smooth it was. But I didn't have to observe it to know. I had touched her.