Pink Suits: forever and then some || LenRisa

Chapter 8: Vicious and Terrible

"Ma?!"

"Leonor... Anak.." she spoke. Iza walked out of the room to give us privacy.

"What are- Is it really you?!" I asked in disbelief of what I'm saying.

In my 37 years of existence, I believed she was dead, but I clearly recognize her and at this moment, I can say that she's alive.

"Anak, I'm sorry..." she said as she placed her purse on my desk.

"Bakit ngayon ka lang?! You made me believe you were dead!" I said to her angrily.

"Leonor, your father told me he would- he would harm me if I'd approach you!" she said, shaking of nervousness already after I raised my voice at her.

"Ma, papa died when I was 19! Eh ilang taon na ako ngayon! Bakit ngayon lang?!" I kept questioning her and wasn't able to hold my tears back anymore.

"B-because I didn't have the guts to! Iniisip ko na mahihirapan na akong magpaliwanag." Nanginginig na pagpapaliwanag ni mama.

"That's your reason?! That you didn't have the guts to do so?! Ma, you left me alone! Alone in that hell that I could never escape because I had no choice but to live with that man!" I slammed my table out of anger already. My mind couldn't process what was happening causing my temper to rise up.

"I had to leave my childhood behind after papa's death. Then now, you're showing up?! After I've learned to live by myself already?!"

"Pinaniwala niyo akong wala na akong magulang. That's why I chose to endure and carry all the weights just to supply for myself. You left me alone with papa! That evil man who took my childhood away and kept facing his mistresses to my face every single day!"

"Anak, listen... I didn't leave you because I wanted to. I left b-because I wanted both of us to live! You know what type of man your father has become. You know what he can do to us if I didn't f-follow what he wanted," she explained on her behalf while crying.

"But it still doesn't explain why you didn't come back after he died. During the times I felt alone and the world has turned its back away from me. During the time I needed a mother to support me, you weren't there!"

"That's why I'm here anak! Let me make it up to you. Bigyan mo sana ako ng pagkakataong maging nanay sayo kahit alam kong huli na ang lahat at nasanay ka na. All those years felt like hell to me as well, Leonor. The feeling that I know you're alive and surviving on your own makes me feel like the worst person every day of my life."

"That's because you are! You are the worst person after you decided to leave me alone by myself instead of being a mother and showing up during the hard times."

"Patawarin mo ako, anak.."

I exited my office and slammed the door. I burst into tears and felt as if my heart had collapsed. It seemed like I was losing a piece of myself, and I'm not sure where to look for it now. It's all due to a lie.

Just because of a lie.

I heard a heel approaching. "Ma'am?" she asked and it was Iza. "Ma'am nakaupo na po kayo dyan!" she assisted me to stand. "Okay lang po kayo?" she asked me, holding my arms and I just know I'm shaking.

She gave me a hug and patted my back to comfort me. "I'm sorry for whatever happened, ma'am. Just cry it out and you'll be okay." Iza kept me in her arms until I ran out of tears to release.

After I got myself back, I pulled out and wiped my face. "I'm sorry, Iza. That was so unprofessional of me." I apologized. It doesn't seem right that I did that. "It's fine ma'am. It's human nature to burst out and I'm glad na kahit papaano, nailabas mo po." she said and I nodded.

I breathed in and out while this woman just gave me a smile. I got myself back together and maintained the strong posture I had. The doors opened and Susan went out. She just smiled at me and said, "Sorry, anak. Mahal na mahal kita. Mag-iingat ka," and I just stared at her.

I walked back inside my office once she was no longer visible in my corridor. To vent the remaining rage, I combed my hair backwards with my fingers and groaned.

Now, for some reason, I can't understand why it's all coming back to me.

All I did was love them, and now they are the ones who are hurting me the most.

This is why I previously refused to believe in love. It's simply so vicious and terrible. The more you love, the more it will eventually hurt. Maybe love wouldn't be a thing for me if it weren't for Theresia...

...and I hope she doesn't end up hurting me too.