The Room Filled With Colors

It was a rather strange morning. Kiyotaka got out of bed early in the morning, and for some reason his heart was filled with emptiness. The things that lay around him, the objects seemed to have lost the richness of their color.

It had been very cloudy since the morning, and clouds filled the sky thickly. Perhaps that was the reason? Was the weather affecting his mood?

Kiyotaka got out of bed and looked out the window. It was gray outside, too. Winter was supposed to be coming soon.

The room flooded with gray filled with silence, only the sound of Kiyotaka's movements could be heard. He felt like he was in that room again, it felt like it enveloped his heart again.

Then a loud sound from a message that came shattered the silence. Kiyotaka knew who it could be. His girlfriend, Kei. He picked up the phone, it was their day off and Kei had asked to come to his room. She often came to his room in the evening. After answering her, he put the phone back on the table.

His morning went by at his usual pace. Exercise again, stretching, push-ups and squats. Then a shower.

He made himself some coffee, taking a sip, he felt the hot liquid fill his throat. He remembered the man. He remembered the room. They didn't get to drink coffee often. He had not tasted ice cream or other unusual sweets.

His coffee was soaked in sugar.

There weren't many "useless" things in his room. But he did have a figurine on his desk. One day Kei gave it to him. She said that this figurine was from her favorite anime. He didn't quite understand the need for the figurine, but he didn't want to upset her and accepted the gift. At first he thought it would look superfluous on his desk because it was bright, but now looking at it he thought the desk would seem empty without it. It was the only bright thing in his room. It seemed to him that it always filled this room with color.

The evening came quickly. Time went by faster in this school than in the white room.

Kei came in her usual clothes and no makeup.

Standing outside the door she gave him her usual smile.

The first days when they first started dating she came dressed up and with makeup on, albeit lightly. But now they were used to each other, so she could feel free in front of him.

They did not spend time together every day.

At first their leisure time was filled with nothing but kissing and cuddling. But as time went on, they began to do other things together. Watching movies together or eating together. Playing a console together.

He got that console from Kei, too. For his birthday. Kei laughed about the situation at the time, and teased him that usually it's not the girl who teaches the guy how to play video games, but the other way around.

"Kei's exam is coming up..." He reminded her.

Kei lay on his lap and he stroked her head. He hugged her often, he stroked her hair, he kissed her often.

"I know..." She answered.

But today, for some reason, his heart was filled with emptiness.

Kiyotaka didn't understand if it was bad to feel this way in her presence? Now, he even felt guilty in front of his girlfriend. But he decided not to show it.

He was different from her. Kei's mood changed often, and she was good at expressing it, unlike him.

Kei lifted herself up.

"Kiyotaka," her voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"Yes?" He asked.

"You're not in the mood?"

She looked intently into his eyes. He didn't answer.

"No, I'm fine," he replied.

She pouted resentfully.

"Are you getting bored with me?"

Those words cut into his heart. Had he really gotten bored with her? No, he was sure that wasn't it.

"It's not like that, Kei," his words didn't convince her.

He took his time hugging her and comforting her, though normally he would have.

Minutes of silence passed.

"If you're not in the mood, you should have said so, I wouldn't have come."

He felt her words prick him again.

The silence.

Apparently thinking about something, she turned her head and looked him in the eye.

"I'm sorry..." She said.

No, you don't have to be sorry, Kei.

"No, Kei. I guess I'm just not in the mood today," he decided to be honest.

But he still didn't quite understand what it was like to be "not in the mood."

"You don't hear that very often... If you want to be alone..." She paused waiting for an answer.

He looked at her.

"Come here..." Suddenly she said.

She stretched her arms, and then put his head on her chest and hugged him. He felt her cheek resting on top of his head.

He was surprised, but he didn't resist. She ran her fingers through his hair and stroked it gently.

He felt weak, and he felt ashamed of himself in front of Kei. He suddenly felt safe, even though he was in no danger. He felt warm, though the room was not cold. He couldn't understand where these feelings came from. They didn't make sense.

"You always seem so strong Kiyotaka..." He heard her thoughtful voice.

Had he upset her by seeming weak now? He thought. He didn't want her to think so.

"Don't worry Kei."

"I'm not worried about that, don't be silly. And it's okay if you just want to be alone sometimes..."

He didn't understand. Could he stay in this position a little longer? To lie like this... To make these feelings last a little longer?

"You know… I'm a selfish Kiyotaka... But I don't want anyone to see you the way I see you."

He was interested in the reason.

"Because it makes me feel special to you..." As if reading his mind she replied.

Special...

Then I must be even more selfish, Kei, he thought.

The gray walls suddenly seemed warmer. Or was it the sunset, whose rays had finally broken through the thick clouds and were now shining through the half-closed curtains?