solace | eddie munson x reader [y/n]

024

Her greatest fear was that you might slip back into that again. And you were moving that way, though only your subconscious knew that. The issue taking up your everyday thought currently was how shitty it is to secretly be in love with your best friend.

"I'm not sleeping well. Mostly because of Eddie," you admitted. You decided that opening up to Ms. Kelly about the feelings you had could be beneficial. Perhaps she could offer some advice, seeing as she has a degree and all that shit.

"Eddie?" The dark-haired woman quirked an inquisitive brow and leaned forward on the hands she crossed atop the desk. "Did something happen?"

I can't believe I'm getting into my love life with the high school guidance counselor right now.

"Yes, kind of. I realized that I, uh..." You paused to clear your throat and try to push away the awkward anxiety that was arising. "I have feelings for him."

Ms. Kelly couldn't conceal the gleeful expression on her features. "I see. And that is causing you stress?"

"Yeah, because I can't tell him. I don't think he looks at me in that way and I wouldn't want to risk ruining our friendship over a little crush. So I'm stuck pining over him all the time." You release a short suspire.

"What is it like when you are together? Do you act like you do with other friends?"

"No, it's-it's different. But Eddie and I have always been like that. It's not how I am with Steve or Robin. The connection is deeper." You looked up from your lap, hoping for some validation to unleash the contained thoughts and emotions. Ms. Kelly's warm nod urges you on.

"He gets me. He understands me, sometimes better than I do myself. I don't even have to use words and he knows how I feel. We joke and laugh like friends. And I'd do anything for him, he tells me that he would do the same. Sometimes I feel hopeful because he's very...affectionate. I think he's just a touchy guy though."

The counselor watched your face harden then soften through stages of fondness and frustration.  That was telling her just as much as your words were. She let the silence linger for a moment since often that can be louder than saying anything. As she anticipated, the quiet ate away until you couldn't take it.

"I don't get it," you blurted suddenly. "Why is he acting like that but just wants to be my friend?"

"How do you know that's what he wants?"

A good question. A great question, that you had never taken a step back to consider. How do I know? It was an assumption you made. Because there was no way in hell that Eddie could look at you as anything more than a friend. You had only known the guy for barely four months. Plus, he had told you once that he didn't believe in love; the kid is a total cynic when it comes to romance.

But maybe, just maybe, there was something in his cold, metal heart that even he had not yet realized. That's what you hoped, at least.

"Fear is holding you back." Ms. Kelly's accusation brought your focus back to reality. "It might be holding Eddie back too. You will never know unless you try."

She's right. Shit, she's so right. You didn't want to admit it, but part of why you were so dead-set on the metalhead not reciprocating your feelings was probably your low self-esteem. It is near impossible to imagine that someone could love you when you don't even love yourself. That was a huge cloud in your judgment that you hadn't considered before.

And you were hiding your love for him; not well, but hiding it. Eddie is a shitty liar, but if he needed to, you bet he could probably do the same. So how do you know for sure that he's not doing that, just like you are?