One Less Star in the Night Sky

Chapter 2: Memories of a non-existent you (2)

As far as my understanding of fan psychology goes, my attraction to this celebrity was due to at least two reasons: the first was my younger self's unfulfilled desire to become a professional singer, and the second was my present wish that I could have a career like his. Based on the media's portrayal of him as a singer-songwriter, it appeared that he had the freedom and flexibility to take time off work to focus on his compositions and songwriting on days when he was not filming. On the other hand, I had no such freedom or flexibility. I was bounded to a desk job as an low ranking junior editor at a publishing house and was assigned to the department which reviewed non-fiction books. The only time that I could focus on writing my own fiction novels in secret was over the weekends; but even then, the inspiration and motivation to write would not come as and when I wanted them to.

Unfortunately, although I had been publishing my web novels on jjwxc, I was a writer without any marketing efforts, publicity and I had low visibility. All of my books had less than ten thousand reads, at least until six months ago when one of my old web novels, which I had published four years ago, suddenly increased in readership into the hundred thousands. In any case, I was still an "author" in obscurity that didn't attract the attention of the staff and management at jjwxc. To make a living, I could only rely on my day job for my monthly wage.

"Yujuan!" The door to my bedroom suddenly swung open, breaking my reverie. My mother stood at the door, frowning at me disapprovingly. "Why are you still in your pyjamas? You are going to be late for work!"

"I took a leave of absence today—" I rejoined, but stopped short of completing my sentence. In a strange turn of events, I had woken up this morning to a world where there was no Cheng Yujin. Which meant that there would be no concert this evening. Which also meant that I would not have taken the day off from work today. Which therefore meant that I had to get ready for work now or else I would be late!

"Alright, alright! I'm going now!" I bolted towards my closet, flinging the doors wide open before rummaging through my clothes. "I won't be eating breakfast or else I'll really be late!"

Turning away from my door, my mother sighed as she shook her head. "I'll pack the food for you. Bring it along with you."

***

I stared blankly into the distance, not noticing that the pencil in my hand had travelled across half the page of words.

"Xiaojuan, are you nodding off?" A voice hit my ears from behind, returning me to my senses. "What did you draw on the paper?"

Gasping at the stray crooked line on the draft that I was marking up on, I hurried grabbed a rubber to erase traces of my lack of focus at work. I turned around to give my colleague a sheepish smile. "No, I was just thinking of how to rephrase this particular sentence."

Gu Jing smiled at me meaningfully, but she quickly changed the topic. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you will be attending our alumni gathering tonight."

"Alumni gathering? Tonight?" I echoed after her, my brain searching my muddled memories for any matching keywords.

Oh, in an alternate reality, I had planned to skip the dinner at my alma mater for the Class of 2020 so that I could attend the concert which was scheduled on the same night. However, in this current reality there was no Cheng Yujin. No Cheng Yujin meant that there was no concert this evening. Which meant there was no conflicting schedule. I supposed that that it was logical that I may have made plans to go for the gathering.

"If you're going, I was thinking that we could share a taxi ride and head there together."

I looked at Gu Jing sideways, not saying anything. She raised her brows and smiled inquisitively, as if waiting in anticipation for my reply. But I continued staring at her blankly, having not heard what she had last said.

"... Or are you not attending?" She asked after realising that I was never going to reply her. Shaking her head, she laughed, "have you been working so hard that you're burnt out? You look like your soul left you."

"I've been overworked, but I'm not burnt out," I said with a pout. "I just feel like I'm going insane." I knew that what I had just said probably sounded just like any other complaint that we would make on an ordinary basis, but the strange memories floating in my head were making me question my mental wellbeing. It sounded like I was having some kind of false memory syndrome...

"Then you need to take a break this evening!"

I obliged Gu Jing's insistence with a smile, half suspecting that she wanted me to be present so she wouldn't feel awkward at the social gathering in the event that her own friends didn't show up. Back in university, we had a few classes together and had even worked together for a couple of projects; but we had our own groups of friends. It was only when we entered the same publishing house after graduating that we actually became friends.

"I'll have to check if I'd registered for the event in the first place," I muttered to myself, reaching for my phone intending to check my personal email, but a message notification caught my eye.

Seeing the name of the sender, the corners of my lips automatically curved up. It was a message from Qian Sicheng, saying that he would be coming to pick me up at 6.30pm to go for the class reunion. "Qian Sicheng said that he'll give me a ride since he'll be passing by our office along the way. I can ask him if his car has space for one more."

Gu Jing's eyes widened as she shook her head. Laughing in an awkward way, she hurriedly replied, "No, no. I don't want to be a third wheel."

"Why will you be a third wheel?" I frowned at her reaction, my facial muscles moving instinctively. "Sicheng and I are just friends."

She eyed me sideways and raised a brow inquisitively, as if disbelieving my words. "What? I heard that he's been buzzing around you since second year of high school, followed you to the same university to major in the same subject, and you are still not together?"

I held her gaze for an arduously long time before sighing and raising my hands in defeat. I could not retort otherwise. She was right that Qian Sicheng and I were in some sort of strange but innocent friendship for a past few years. Even though the both of us claimed that we were only best buddies with a strong brotherhood, the whole world knew that there were mutual good feelings between us. But perhaps we too cowardly and were waiting for the other to make the first move, which resulted in today's stalemate.

"No, we're not together." I sighed in frustration but maintained my deadpan expression. "So you won't be disturbing anything by carpooling."

***