You Must Remember This

Chapter 35 - Remember, remember...

Wakanda, 2016

'I made a mistake. I let my feelings get in the way of my mission. Nikolai's confession rattled me. It made me realize that I, too, had a confession to make to someone. But because we were where we were, I kept quiet. It was too great a risk. If anyone overheard, or if the Winter Soldier revealed something when he was awake, Zola would've surely dug deeper into the past Peggy and I fabricated and seen through the lies. He would've taken action against me, against us.  
Yet my emotions and yearning got the better of me. I slipped up when we had a rare moment alone together and kissed you without thinking of the consequences. Immediately after, I tried to dismiss I'd done it for anything other than to keep you calm and, admittedly, submissive to me so I could hold some control over you and the Winter Soldier. But I was lying to myself. And to you.
That kiss meant everything, Bucky. It confirmed what I had been denying for so long. But it also reminded me of the very reason that drove me away from you. The reason I enlisted, and why you did too. You blamed yourself for getting captured by HYDRA and putting me in danger, but I was the one to blame. If I hadn't run the morning after what happened at the docks, if I'd stayed and talked things over with you, our lives would have turned out so differently.'

"Steve, come in."

Natasha raised her head when Bucky radioed Steve over comms. She frowned but said nothing. 

"Steve, come in," repeated Bucky, more urgently this time. 

"I'm here," replied Steve. "You got something?"

"Maybe. Evelyn mentions an incident at the docks. You know what she's talking about?"

"You don't remember?"

"Obviously not, otherwise I wouldn't be asking. What happened?"

Silence. And then...

"November 12, 1941. There was an explosion in the main warehouse. You and Evelyn were trapped together. It took several hours for rescue workers to get you out."

Bucky's mind was spinning, trying to process what Steve said. He remembered most of his life before HYDRA, but not this. If this was another significant moment with Evelyn, then it stood to reason that it'd been erased or suppressed by their reprogramming. He had to remember, though. Evelyn mentioned it specifically in her journal, and she wouldn't have done that without reason. It meant something. But what, damn it?

"Here." Bucky looked up when Natasha slid the tablet across the table. "Newspaper articles on the incident and the aftermath. It might jog something."

Why didn't it surprise him she'd been listening in on the conversation through her own ear piece? Any other time, he would've been peeved, but right now, he was grateful. This could be just what he needed. 
Bucky disconnected comms and scrolled through the articles on the screen, reading every word carefully. Two explosions at the docks led to the death of fifteen men. Another seven were so severely injured they needed medical care for the rest of their lives. Picture after picture showed the horrors that transpired that day. 
Suddenly, a black-and-white photograph of a young teenage boy popped up. Bucky stared at the kid's face. He knew him. What was his name again? His eyes traveled down to the writing underneath - Thomas Johnson, age seventeen. 

Thomas... Tommy... Yes, of course, I remember now. We tried to save him, but there was nothing we could do. And that night... I took Evelyn home with me. 

***

Brooklyn, November 12, 1941

"All right, just a little pinch now."