Monster (A Bucky Barnes fanfiction)

Bucky Barnes

"Yeah, you can talk to me if you feel like you need to talk to someone that understands. I didn't have that and I'm glad I can give you that," Natasha replies and gives me a small smile.

She walks away and I go find Kat. I find her fiddling with a computer in the board room. I sit down at the table and watch her fingers fly across the keyboard, typing in different codes. Kat doesn't notice me sitting at the table, so I keep watching her.

Kat doesn't stop typing for another 20 minutes and I start to nod off. I wake up in time to see her turning off the computer. I straighten up and laugh as she gasps when she sees me.

"How long have you been in here?" she asked, still surprised.

I look at the clock. "An hour or two," I reply.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you were working. I didn't want to distract you."

"So you've just been sitting here this entire time?"

"Well, I took a little siesta," I explain.

"Did you, Bucky Barnes, really just say siesta?"

"Yes, Kat Oswald, I did just say siesta. I can say it in Russian if you'd like."

"That's quite all right, thank you. What did you do before you came in here?"

"I talked to Natasha."

"You did? Oh Bucky, I'm proud of you. What did she say?"

"She said dealing with what I've done gets better as I help more people and save more lives."

"She didn't seem put off that you were talking to her?"

"No, but I remembered something while I was with her," I tell Kat.

"What was it?"

"I used to train Natasha while she was at Hydra. I just had a memory of talking to her."

"About what?"

"Pierce and his treatment of me. She wanted me to say something to him," I exclude the relationship part.

"What was the relationship between you two?"

"I don't know, I couldn't tell from that. We were sitting in a library or something," I fabricate the truth, not wanting to tell her Natasha was in my bed.

"That's your only memory with her?"

"Yeah, I don't think she was there for very long. She said something about going back to Russia after I trained her."

"I'm glad you talked to her instead of bottling that up. I'm proud of you," Kat kisses me.

"Hey, Kat?"

"Yeah?"

"What are we? I mean..."

"Relationship wise?"

"Yeah," I respond.

"What do you want us to be?" she questions.

"What we basically are now," I answer.

"Which is?"

"Kat, will you be my girl?"

Kat smiles and kisses me. I pull her close and wrap my arms gently around her, careful not to hurt her.

"Bucky, you don't have to worry about hurting me. I got stabbed, remember?"

How could I forget? It was my fault. Anything that happens to her is my fault. I'm endangering her and everyone else just by being her.

"Bucky? Are you remembering something?"

"No, I just zoned out for a second."

"Me getting stabbed wasn't your fault. I pushed his gun away and he happened to have a knife. It was my fault for being so careless."

"I could've saved that from happening."

"No, you couldn't have. I know what you're thinking. If you left before that happened, it wouldn't have happened. It's better that you're here. We wouldn't be together if you weren't here. That's worth it all, if you ask me."

"Worth getting stabbed and almost dying?"

"Bucky, I didn't almost die. I was fine."

"You didn't look fine."

"James Buchanan Barnes, nothing is your fault, okay? You can't control other people."

"If I would've just disappeared earlier, that wouldn't have happened to you."

"Bucky, come with me," Kat grabs my hand and pulls me in to her room.

"Why did you bring me in here?"

"If you would've left, we wouldn't be together. Yeah, I got stabbed. No, it isn't your fault. Neither of us knew he had a knife. And I'm fine now, so it doesn't matter. I'm glad you didn't leave. It wouldn't have solved anything. Hydra would've found you, you would've been brainwashed again, or they would've killed you," she shows me her shoulder where she has three bullet wounds. "This is an example of something being someone else's fault. My partner left me, gave away my position, and I got shot. Had to battle my way out with no back up. I barely made it out alive."

"How did you make it out?" I touch the scars.

"Luck. I guess instinct and training played a role in that, too. The people we were after were hiding out in a warehouse, plenty of places for me to hide. My partner knew we were outnumbered, so he lost his nerve and started firing at the enemy. Gave away our position and bailed. I hid, but not before they shot me once. I killed a couple of them, so did my partner, but I was still outnumbered 15 to 1. So, I waited them out. Moved quickly and quietly. Got as close to the exit as I could. One of them saw me and shot me two more times. I thought I was going to die. I was shot three times, barely able to hold a gun, with no back up in a foreign country. As I was making a run for it, they got me in the leg," she sits down on the bed, pulls up her pant leg, and shows me where the bullet entered and exited her thigh.

I touch those, too, "How did you get out of that country?"

"Somehow when I got out, I was able to make a run for it. I ran through the woods and got as from there as possible. I called S.H.I.E.L.D., told them what had happened, and they picked me up."

"Did your parents stop you from going back in to the field after that?"

"No, I didn't want to. Insight was starting to be talked about as I was recovering. I took that job and slowly started going back into the field a little bit at a time."

"You also have another bullet wound you showed me. From me," I drop my hand from her thigh.

"You were brainwashed. And that one wasn't bad. It wasn't near my heart like the others were. Don't blame yourself," she grabs my hand.

I can tell she's about to lecture me about now blaming myself, so I change the subject. "Who was your partner?"

"It was his first mission. It was supposed to be a get in-get out mission, but it ended up turning into that."

"Who was he?"

"Grant Ward."