Forever Never

Chapter Three | Yoghurts and Cigarettes

I saw a cigarette between her index and middle finger but it wasn't lit. "You tryna have a smoke?" I asked gesturing to the cigarette when she glanced at me.

"Nah. I quit a long time ago. I just like to hold one sometimes... brings me comfort if that makes sense." she replied as she fiddled with it absentmindedly. I hesitated to ask but she seemed to read my mind. "I was an addict."

There was a silent brief eye contact as the wind blew a coily strand of hair in her face. "I had an addiction too."

"Really?"

I nodded. "When I was younger I managed to convince myself that I absolutely had to have some yoghurt at least once a day. And when I didn't I legit experienced the symptoms of an addiction." I watched her blink a couple times.

"I'm sorry, did you say yoghurt?" she asked and I nodded. "Are you joking?"

"Kind of," I chuckled. "I'm sorry if that was insensitive."

"Anything can be an addiction. How did you get over yours?" she asked and I was glad I didn't piss her off.

"We were out of yoghurt for a whole week and I didn't have the money to buy some so," I shrugged. "How's it going with the ex by the way? He ever stop contacting you?" I asked after a moment's silence.

"He kind of showed up at my place. Like unannounced. It was like 9 pm too." she said so casually that I was wondering if she was playing me.

"Say what now?" my eyebrows shot up. "Thought you said he wasn't that bad?"

She chuckled, like it was somehow funny. "He just needed someone to talk to. I promise it wasn't what you think. He's not a creep and he would never hurt me." she said.

"How long have you known this guy?" I asked.

"Long long time." she nodded while looking out in front of her. "Tim's the only guy I ever been in a serious relationship with."

I wondered if her possibly lingering feelings for this Tim guy was preventing her from seeing through his bullshit or if I was just worrying too much. But my mama always said it was better to be paranoid and alive than the alternative. To never take any chances when it came to your safety and well-being. Although whatever was going on with her and Tim for sure wasn't my business so maybe it would be wise for me to leave it.

"The other day you said you were an entrepreneur." she said after a while of silence and I nodded.

"I am."

"Entrepreneur in what?"

"I wanna own my own business. A bookstore to be exact." I replied and she seemed confused about that.

"A bookstore?" she tilted her head slightly, seemingly amused.

"Yeah. Is that weird or?"

"No it's just... most people wanna open up a café or something. Why a bookstore?" she asked and there was a curious look in her eyes.

"I've always loved to read. Especially when I was younger. But I couldn't afford to buy books I wanted to read. My hometown didn't even have a bookstore. So I want to make reading accessible and affordable to every kid. Kids like me yknow, living in neglected areas all over the world. There are countless of them out there who would love to read but they just can't," I went on.

She nodded while looking at me with a thoughtful expression. "That's amazing."

"I also didn't read any books written by black writers or writers of color. Was convinced those stories didn't exist. Come to find out they are all out there, too many to count. But they just don't reach us. That's something I want to change. Kids need to know our stories are out there so my store will have plenty of those."

"You read any now?" Ty asked.

"Legendborn is one I read recently. Too good," I whistled. "You read?" I wondered and she laughed a little.

"Nah." she shook her head. "What's your bookstore called?"

"Leroy's." I replied and she laughed again. "What's wrong with that?" I felt a smile growing on my face.

"Nothing. It's fine." she shrugged.

"Just fine?"

She didn't say anything for a minute. "What's the plan now tho? You already had a store but it went south right?"

"Yeah but like I said, I'm not giving up. Just gotta start all over again. But now I know what I did wrong. That's the best thing with failure and mistakes. You learn from them. Which is why I'm gonna clean up my mess on my own without help from my folks. That way when I do overcome this I'll feel confident to handle the next hurdle." I said.

Her eyes lingered on me, but she still didn't say anything. Something in her gaze was impossible to read. She was half an inch shorter than me and that was saying something considering my height. "The way you talk and carry yourself is just... I don't know." she glanced away.

"Arrogant is one word many have used," I joked. Her eyes were shortly back onto me.

"I'm not repulsed by confident people. It's just cool that you don't let anything stop you from going after what you want."

"I mean I've worked towards this goal only my whole life so," I shrugged.

"So if you don't end up with a successful business, you consider it a failure?"

"Absolutely." I nodded. "It's either my store or nothing for me. So I'm not holding anything back in going for it."

She chuckled. "Love that for you actually."

"What about you? Is editing videos what you want?" I asked.

"I definitely enjoy it and it pays well. But I also love singing. So if I suddenly woke up one day a big famous singer that'd be amazing."

"You can sing?"

She glanced down sheepishly. "Yeah I guess."

"Sing something."

"Right now?" her eyes widened.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I won't judge. I'll just listen."

She still seemed hesitant. "What do I even sing?" she chuckled nervously.

"Just whatever. You can sing the wheels on the bus for all I care." I joked.

"I don't have my guitar," she said.

"You play instruments too?" I asked, impressed.

"A couple," she shrugged, like it was no big deal.

"A couple." I mimicked her teasingly. "Stop minimizing your talents. Just own it, alright?" I nudged her slightly. She looked down at her fingers.

"Yeah okay," she chuckled.

"If you're not comfortable singing right now that's okay by the way. I won't pressure you. Do it on your terms. Or don't." I told her.

"Some other time, definitely." she nodded.