Days Go By | lavashipping

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"You've bought all these just to show me that there are articles about me?" he asked instead.

"Yeah! I also saved some links if you'd want to see those, and I have some screenshots from people on social media talking about it too. And I got you a potted plant but that has nothing to do with it, I just thought your place could use something like that and the flower reminded me of you, so..."

Just like that, as if with a snap of fingers, Cole felt as though he was actually falling apart like a house of cards. Tears stung in his eyes and he knew his voice would eventually betray him, but spoke nevertheless,

"Kai... you shouldn't have..."

"Oh no, did I do something wrong again?"

Cole panicked. Any wrong step and he could be losing them forever.

"What? No! No, you never did anything wrong! I just–" He sighed, tried a few things he could do to busy his hands because he had no idea what to do with them. Or himself, really. "I– It should've been me coming to you, with flowers and all, not the other way around. None of this was your fault in any way. I mean... aren't you mad at me?"

Kai stared at him – in silence.

"You are." It was a weird sort of relief.

"Well–" Now it was Kai who was put in the same situation. They fumbled with the magazine they didn't put down.

"I want to hear your thoughts." Kai sighed.

"You know I grew up with two siblings, I know that sometimes people say stuff they wouldn't or use tone they wouldn't but... You can't cut me off like that, Cole. If you needed space, you could've just told me, you know? I would understand. You promised me you'd say something if I were to cross a line and then you just left me in the dark."

"I'm so sorry, Kai, I really am."

"Yeah, well..." Cole felt all of his insides drop all at once. "A 'sorry' is not gonna compensate my burnt eggs."

"I deserved that one."

"You did." Kai flashed him a quick, lopsided smile. "It's fine." Cole couldn't tell whether he meant it or if he said that just to mirror Cole's favourite phrase. "But just so you know, if you pull a stunt like that again, I'm poisoning your coffee. And I have friends in high places, so..."

He couldn't help but chuckle, despite the threat of tears. Then he couldn't keep it in anymore and lunched forward, wrapping his arms around Kai like he would've disappeared right at that moment had he not caught him.

"You stink," said Kai but reciprocated the embrace anyway and Cole had to chuckle. He felt disgusting. The hug didn't last long, as Kai let go of him soon after and finally threw the magazine aside. They stood in front of each other for a while in an odd silence.

"Do you... Do you want to stay for lunch maybe? I don't know if I have enough food for anything but maybe I could order something..." He wasn't even sure what he was talking about, all he knew was that he couldn't bear the silence. And he had to make this up at least in some way before he could come up with something better than an ordered lunch.

"No, actually my shift's starting soon. I planned it this way so I could have an excuse to leave if... you know."

"Okay."

Kai's stare travelled around the flat until it landed on the kitchen. Cole watched him the whole time, unsure what to do but grateful to see him again. So close. It was almost unbelievable.

"You know, for someone who's so big on drinking coffee, you'd think you'd have better equipment than... a jar of instant coffee and a kettle," they commented.

"I wouldn't know how to use a coffee machine anyway."

"Not even those little ones for the capsules? These days you just gotta push a button."

"Well..." Cole rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't really think about buying much stuff for his new place besides what he couldn't pack from his previous home. It almost looked like a house from a stock photo but it wasn't really Cole's concern, being a rather austere person. Most of his possession either had a purpose or found their way to him without his input.

He watched after them as they walked into the kitchen and turned on the kettle. Why was Kai suddenly making coffee was a mystery to him. He didn't particularly like the instant one he bought anyway, it was there for desperate times mostly, but he didn't say anything, afraid to make a dumb mean mistake again. Turning his attention away to give him some space, his gaze fell on the magazine again – but again, he didn't want to risk anything, no matter how much Kai's reaction intrigued him, so he went to look into at the bag instead.

Pulling out a small flower pot, he recognised the lilies of the valley and couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his face. The sight of his forgotten bowtie reminded him –

"I still have those clothes you borrowed me, I could pack them for you?" he called after Kai, who turned away from whatever he was preparing in the kitchen to answer,

"That's fine, they suit you better than they do me anyway."

Which meant his clothes were still there also, however, a fair trade is a fair trade. He wasn't going to overthink the response, it wasn't the right time for that. He should think about a way to make this up to Kai instead, a bunch of flowers wasn't going to make it, even if the whole situation probably wasn't as dramatic as he felt it was. He had a chance to make up for his mistakes – and maybe that could mean freeing himself from the past that keeps taunting him in the process as well. It was time to finally learn.

Kai came back, leaving a mug on the kitchen table behind him.

"I'll have to go now but I guess I'll see you tomorrow? That is, if you don't want to replace good quality coffee made with love for that... bunch of granules."

"That's just a last resort, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Okay," Kai uttered. Noticing the magazine on the couch, he quickly took it. "And take a shower, please. See ya."

Cole chuckled, which seemed easier the more time Kai spent at his place. "See ya." With a click, he was left alone in his flat, with a surprisingly tasty coffee.