You Must Remember This

Chapter 45 - When two lovers woo

HYDRA base, Siberia, July 4, 1946

Bucky's voice echoed in Evelyn's ears as he finished recounting what had happened between them. The room spun before her eyes. Her legs felt heavy, and she sank to the ground, barely aware Bucky hurried to her aid.

"Whoa, you okay?" he asked, concerned, as he gently placed her on the mattresses.

"All this time," she whispered, "I've been so angry and disappointed. In me, in you, all because of that night. If I had just stopped to think, we could've... God, it's all my fault. If I hadn't been a stupid brat and hadn't run away, none of this would've happened. You wouldn't have followed me to Europe, or been on that train, or been taken captive by HYDRA. We would've been home in Brooklyn with our families and... Oh God, Bucky, I'm sorry. I'm so..."

She broke down, breath hitching with every strangled sob. Bucky wrapped her up tightly, putting pressure on her shuddering body. Evelyn felt like she could suffocate at any moment, but remarkably, the sensation only lasted for five seconds. Gradually, the trembling stopped. Her breathing steadied, as did the erratic drumming in her chest. She didn't understand why he was comforting her like this. He was HYDRA's plaything because of her. How could he even bear to be in the same room, let alone touch her?

"None of this is your fault," said Bucky as he stroked the top of her head. "I would've enlisted either way after Pearl Harbor, so I still would've ended up in HYDRA's clutches. Nothing you did could've prevented that."

"Don't try to make me feel better, Bucky," said Evelyn, her voice slightly muffled by his shoulder. "Your life was taken from you, and I'm the one to blame for —"

"Stop," Bucky interrupted sternly. "What's done is done. We can't change the past, so I don't wanna hear about the 'what if's, or the 'had I's. This is the first time we've truly been alone in this place, and it took a frigging virus. If today is all we have, then I'm damn well gonna seize the moment. So, please, shut up and just be here with me."

Evelyn drew back as far as Bucky would let her, and looked deep into his steel-blue eyes, expecting to see at least a flicker of resentment in them. But there was nothing. Nothing but affection. This man... He was too good for her.
She slipped her arms around Bucky, burying her face in his hair. Despite being allowed only a five-minute shower every four days and being stuck in a bunker under the ground, Bucky's briny scent made Evelyn envision a summer day at the seaside or Coney Island. His whispering voice reached her. "It's nice to know you actually care so much about me."

"What?" Evelyn released him and pushed back against his shoulders, surprised at that comment. "Of course I care about you! How could you think I —?"

The little cough and small head-tilt shut her up. Though Bucky was gentleman enough not to say anything, his meaningful expression spoke a thousand words. Ashamed, Evelyn averted, chin on her knees and arms around them.

"Guess I never gave you a reason to believe I did, huh?"

"Oh no, you had me believing all right. Right until you left. And then you had me going again when you kissed me back after Steve rescued me and the rest of the 107th."

"I did not —"

"You kissed me back, Evelyn Rogers, and don't you dare deny it."

Evelyn huffed and picked at a loose seam of her dress, remembering that moment. After slapping him and Steve across the cheek for being utter morons and following her into war, she'd stormed off to her tent. Bucky had followed her, and in the heat of their ensuing argument, he'd kissed her to shut her up. She'd been so overwhelmed that her fight-or-flight instinct had almost kicked in again. Almost.
The war had kept them apart after that. Evelyn had remained at the front while Bucky had gone off doing missions with Captain America. The few times they saw each other, Bucky hadn't spoken to her unless it was to instruct her on shooting. He'd been so close yet so distant, Evelyn hadn't bothered to show him any affection — except for that last night before the train heist. The most awful feeling had fallen over her, and she'd made him promise to return safely. When he hadn't... her grief had turned to hatred.