Homeless Vain

08

I was in a loner battle in which I couldn't cry no matter hard it was, I had to show myself strong though deep down I was falling apart and I had to fight against the odds alone like I was born to be that way.

However, this experience I'd been through always reminded me to what my girls had told me.

"You are a strong girl, Ivy. Nobody can live the same as you."

Everytime I recalled it, I'd always end up crying.

"Focus Ivy," I blinked harshly, gripping the steering wheel tighter. "No tears while driving!"

It was then, I noticed the difference of driving today. I always used this driveway, I obviously aware of the traffic here but today was slightly different.

It felt like I was the only one on the road. Not like I care, it gave me a peace of mind without road bully so I could take my leisure time. Some more, I had lots of time to spare.

But, I should've not underestimated things.

For the first time in my life, I hoped right now I was in the crowd, I hoped there were many people around me, and I hoped I wasn't alone.

There was a car behind mine. At first glance I could say that we were heading to the same area. But I had a little bit suspicion when they matched their speed with mine.

This surely wasn't a coincidence.

My throat dried up due to the nervousness. I could feel my hands shaking around the steering wheel. This was serious.

Nervously I bit my lips, my eyes wandered around, looking for somewhere with crowds I could stop by. 

That's when I remembered there was a petrol station ahead. It should be full with people, right?

I flicked my signal abruptly at the entrance, hoping that whoever behind me got no time to follow and eventually miss my trace.

I glanced through the dark tint of my window as soon as I safely parked, they stopped by the curb for a while, maybe waiting for my next movement.

Right there and then, tears started brimming in my eyes.

My hands were still shaking when I reached for my phone. I managed to unlock the device, going into my contacts but then halted.

"Who can I call?" in despair, I let my head fall back against the headrest, shutting my eyes closed in the process. This was the battle I'd been talking about. "No Ivy, you can't cry."

I'd been hypnotizing myself which resulted me to continue driving as the sight of the car disappeared and many cars started filling in the road afterwards.

I obviously wasn't okay. I was traumatized and scared but still, I walked confidently into the building I was supposed to be, flashing my smile to everyone I ran into along the way.

Honestly, my furious heartbeat hadn't calmed yet.

"Ivy..." the team leader greeted me in the most friendliest tone as soon as he saw me and I couldn't resist myself from returning the same energy. 

"Hi Sangyeon," I waved. He was the only one stranger who'd managed to make me feel comfortable. Rather than treating me like a business, he treated me like a little sister but still he's not on that level where I would tell him everything about myself.

"I heard you're writing a new book?" he asked, pushing a door open in which he held it to let me go through. "Your current work is still in printing process and you already start a new one?"

"Well," my eyes squinted as if I was thinking hard. "A single life. No dates to go, no partner to talk to."

"Ah," he nodded, beckoning me to take a seat at the table inside the room. "Let's start discussing shall we?"

I must say that I was the strongest girl ever existed on earth. I won't care if anyone would judge me from saying this, but had you ever seen a girl who just saved herself from maybe an abduction or burglary, smiling ever so endearing like nothing had interrupted her so far?

That's me.

But deep in my heart, I wanted to tell someone about it. Nonetheless, I didn't know who I could reach to. My girls probably were busy right now, and the only option I saw was Sangyeon.

"Be careful on your way back. Make sure you lock your car," suddenly he listed out a reminder after we concluded the meeting like he just read my mind. "I heard some cases happened in this area."

He looked concern in which he always was and I had an urgency jumping inside me.

"Sangyeon, I..." he was anticipating, his focus was fully on me. Maybe he did notice my misty eyes, or my trembling lips but then I smiled. "I'm craving for a spaghetti. Can you recommend me a place?"

Every words in my head couldn't seem found the way out except for that. So, I decided to keep whatever happened earlier to myself. 

Meanwhile, Sangyeon chuckled but eventually recommending me his favourite diner.

I left the building afterwards, walking alone towards my car with a voice inside my head that seemed hypnotizing myself again.

I did call my mother earlier, telling her everything and maybe I had my hope up. I honestly was hoping for her to come to get me, maybe that way could make me more secure but her answer for a moment did disappoint me.

"Use the busy road and go home straight. Lock your car along the way."

I sighed, rummaging into my handbag to look for my car keys. I could hear some pieces of my shattered heart fell down but seriously I should've expected it.

I had to go through this alone.

"Don't cry Ivy," I took a momentarily halt, placing my palm on my chest, the keys in my hand dangling as they grazed among each other.

"I'd like to see you cry."

The sudden approach had rushed my adrenaline all over my body. I turned my heels towards the direction, a wave of relief crashed over me as I recognized the smiling boy who was looking at me.

"Kevin..." but seeing him there suddenly made me cry. 

Before I knew it, I ducked down, mouth covered.

He was taken aback. Ever since we knew each other, hadn't once he did see me crying but now I just did out of nowhere.

If I was him, I probably had ran away.

"You okay?" he ducked down in front of me as well, peeking through my hair that had curtained my face. "Did I scare you?"

Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head, meeting his wavered orbs. 

Furiously I shook my head, "I'm glad it's you."