2.2 | Karthik and Anjali

begging for forgiveness 101

"Anjali, I —"

"Come inside and say whatever it is you have to say," Anjali said, moving to the side to let him in.

She could tell from his posture and the way he wasn’t able to maintain eye contact that he was ashamed to face her. It was hard watching him that way.

"Anjali, I am sorry."

She remained silent.

"I-I don't have an excuse for what I did. I know that any excuse won't justify my harsh words. I shouldn't have said them to you. I should have treated you better than this, like you deserve to be. I value you so much in my life, Anjali and I'm sorry I made you think otherwise the other day. Nothing, and I mean nothing, that I do with you and for you is considered fooling around. I am sorry I made you feel insignificant. You are equally important to me as Tanya. You are in my world. The world I chose for myself. I am sorry I am such a bad person, Anjali. I tried to stay away from you and let you go but I couldn't. If that makes me selfish, then maybe I am. I can’t afford to lose you. Please don’t leave me."

The wounded undertone in his words and the expression of sincere apology on his face were enough to make Anjali’s anger melt away instantly. She wanted nothing more than to hold him, and tell him it would be okay. But she held herself back.

"You humiliated me by doubting my love for Tanya and you," she said.

"I know. I've seen how you look at Tanya. And that's how my mother looks at me. You treat her as if she is your daughter, take care of her and make the effort to get to know everything about her — her habits, her dislikes, her likes. I nullified everything with my careless harsh words and I am so fucking sorry, Anjali."

"If I marry you, where do I stand with Tanya? I am scared about how you will react if I say no to Tanya or discipline her when it is warranted. You need to let me know if I am allowed to do that."

"Of course, you are allowed to do that. She calls you her Mummy. If you are taking on the role of her mother, you should be able to discipline her."

"I don't want to be a strict parent, Karthik. I am not insinuating that I will be scolding her often. But I know parenting means showering love and showering love also means wanting the best for her. Conditioning her to things is a part of it. That’s why I want you to promise me you won't take this back."

"I understand. I won’t take it back, Anjali. Tanya is your daughter as much as mine. This won't be an issue."

"I'm just trying to prevent any more of these issues from arising. Because this one fucking hurt. It broke me. I am scared that we will end up hurting each other more."

"I am sorry, Anjali."

Anjali assessed the distance between them. Karthik stood by the footwear shelf, just by the door, while she stood by the sofa in the living room. The distance broke her heart.

She wanted to close the gap.

Tighten her arms around him.

Press her lips to his and show him they belong with each other no matter what.

"Give me your word that spending time with me will not be a problem. I can’t live with you if we don’t have time for ourselves. I mean, I love Tanya but I am in love with you, Karthik. I need to spend time with the man I love. Otherwise, it's not going to work," she said.

Karthik's eyes glazed with tears. "I'm sorry I am so fucking dense and insensitive. I am so sor—" His voice cracked at the end and he hung his head like a hurt little boy, letting the tears slip down his cheeks.