Into the Deep End

Toes In The Sand

The 2 always knew that they had a special connection. There were things that they only felt comfortable doing with eachother. Neither knew exactly when the feelings for the other changed but there are moments in time where they feel like their story grew a new branch.

Hyunjin remembered one of those moments:

We had been on tour for a while and everyone was starting to struggle to keep up. Thankfully we had a 2 day break between travel itineraries. We were always split into pairs for sleeping, and it was not consistently the same person. This particular time, Felix and I were paired up. We were good friends at that point, as with the rest of the group.

There were no scheduled plans to adhere to and the group had a 2 day recovery period to do as they pleased. Before arriving at the hotel the group stopped by a grocery store to get some snacks or extra things for the next 2 days. Although the group had meals together, the rest of the time was up to their discretion. Felix had planned on relaxing with a movie that evening to recharge.

Felix was first to shower and came out of the bathroom with a small towel wrapped around his neck to soak up the excess moisture from his hair which was now a deep blue color. He was dressed comfortably in a pair of black sweats, an oversized tee and some fuzzy socks. He was wearing his glasses which made him look innocent and small.

I finished up the shower, feeling relieved to wash the remnants of travel off of my body. I put on a similar outfit to his and made my way out, rubbing my hair with the towel until it was dry enough not to wet my shirt. I immediately jumped on top of Felix laying on his bed as he screamed, covering his mouth to not disturb other guests.

"What did you do that for?! You have a whole bed right there to yourself!" He screamed at me in tiny so to not be rude to surrounding rooms. I chuckled and confudently responded.

"Well for starters, you looked much too peaceful. Secondly, your bed is so warm!" I say as I snuggle into it. "And most importantly, you're here." I tell him, cupping his chin. This made Felix laugh and blush slightly but quickly unleashing his sassy.

"I think you can survive without the extra 5 feet of space. Plus you are an absolute space heater when you sleep, i always end up sweating when we share a bed." He says, rolling his eyes and pushing his tongue out through his cheek.

"Hey yongbok?" I called Felix by his Korean name which he hated but he let me do it. He says "its endearing" when I do it so I interchange it with the rest of his nicknames: baby, angel, sunshine. But yongbokkie was my favorite.

"Mhm?" He respondes, not looking away from the screen, his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

"Can you teach me more english?" He turned to look at me. "Of course I can!" He says with a bright smile on his make making me smile back. He turns off the movie and starts slowly speaking to me in english. That is how I have been learning. He would talk to me in english slowly and I would ask him to translate things that I couldn't understand.

"Why do you want to learn english from me anyway? Not that I mind because you taught me Korean but you don't ask Chan to do it." He says slowly, giving me time to process and ask for help if I need it. I took a long pause to try to gather my thoughts and find the english version.

"When you came to Korea, english you did not speak, and I could not know you..." I say realizing that the grammer is bad but Felix nodded, following along, "it must have been scared... to be in strange country and not speak language... I don't like it took me time to see angel you are." Felix nodded at this, a smile gently forming on his face.

"I want to know english to know true yongbokkie." I finish off. His smile gets brighter and he leaps onto me in a hug.
"Thank you" I softly hear him say into my chest. I pat his head and signal him to sit up, patting the space I made my legs and pulling his back into my chest.

"What you want to become Idol for?" I ask him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He leans his head into my arm.

"I have always like dance and music. I admired Kpop music and remember taking vacations in Seoul often, which I loved. When the chance came I had to take it." He says, gently twisting the ring I have on my thumb in thought.

"I wanted to be something more, I felt like I needed to take the chance. And when I was chosen I had to take the opportunity to try. I knew it was going to be hard but I am so thankful I got to meet every one of you. You took me in as family" he pressed his head firmer into my arm and I hugged him. Nodding in understanding.

"What about you?" He asked.

"You know I was approached while shopping with family, I thought it was joke but it not.  I auditioned and was chosen. Before you came, I hard time. I was not expect to be anything but visual. Just a pretty face." Felix smiled and looked up at me stroking my cheek and moving the hair out of my face.

"I wanted to be more than pretty. Being pretty does not last. So I practiced until body stopped. Learn to love dance and earn main dance position" I smile in pride, knowing I have gone far. Felix nodded his head. I always liked how he understood me. Not just my words but what I really mean by them. The true translations of what I feel.

"Do you miss Australia?" I ask him, seeing the expression on his face drop slightly, he removes his hand from my cheek and starts to fidget with his own rings, something he does when he is nervous or upset. I grab both of his hands in mine making him relax some.

"I miss family. They did not get to see me grow up, and that hurts my heart. I missed special moments with them and my sisters were young when I left, and now they are grown up. I sometimes feel like a stranger to them. I did not get to see them become who they are. I did not get to hold them when they were sad, or share the moments of joy." Felix said, his eyes sad and now massaging my hand, again something he does when he is stuck in his head.

"I am single child, but I can understand. I love having seen you grow and I am proud. It must be difficult to not have that with true family." I hugged him again.

We continued to talk like that for hours on end until we got so sleepy it was hard to stay up. When I saw his eyes getting heavy I went to get up to my own bed. He grabbed my wrist to stop me, making me turn to face him.

"Will you stay with me?" He asked. "What's wrong yongbokkie?" I responded. Concerned for his welbeing, he looked fragile. "I get lost in my thoughts, it helps when I am in contact with someone I am close with. To feel connected to someone" I smile gently at his soft nature and lay down next to him. He wraps his whole body around me like a Koala and squeezes tightly.

I have never been a kinship person but he is so adorable I feel the need to protect him. He makes me feel comfortable. We fell asleep like that.

That experience changed them both and brought them closer together. They had a deeper understanding of eachother and Felix was able to break through Hyunjin's walls that he placed. He is a very confident person on the outside but holds his true self locked up. His passions and things he holds more dear he is scared to share with people out of fear of being judged. But Felix different. He knew that Felix would never judge him and would cheer him on louder whenever he could.