cigarettes [Leighton Murray]

genuinely raw

"here we are" Darren hit the breaks, slowly coming to a stop in front of the essex building 

"thanks for dropping me" rue looked darren while he avoided eye contact "darren, it's okay" she said making him look at her 

"no, it's not" darren sighed "i- if anything this is just straight up unfair and i am sorry to add up on the shit that was already going on with-"

"hey" she forced out a laugh to lighten the situation "it wasn't your fault, mom's just like that" she said 

at the thanksgiving dinner when darren had brought his current girlfriend, margaret decided it would be the perfect time to bring up rue's sexuality and how she should atleast 'try' finding a man and not be a disappointment. which later resulted in a heated argument. 

not between rue and her but rather darren and margaret. rue, since she broke up with leighton had started going to therapy to try and understand her issues and working through them while also regulating her emotions in a better way.

she knew leighton deserved better the moment she decided to break up with the girl, and she was determined to become better for her.

"be safe in there" darren said, both of them standing out of the car 

"yeah, thanks" she smiled "i'll see you later, yeah?" 

"sure you will" he gave her a side hug, she still wasn't too comfortable with physical tpuch and he ensured not to make her uncomfortable. she returned the hug "bye" 

"bye bye" she waved and walked inside the campus. a suddenwave of emotions hitting her all at once. 

"rue!" abby exclaimed when the girl walked in the room, flying to her arms 

"rue, you're here. i almost thought you were gonna drop out" Kayla said from where she was sitting on the couch

"abby" rue barely managed to catch her "how are you doing?" she asked kayla

"just fine" 

"i am so happy right now" abby squeeled 

"wow, why?" rue chuckled "i mean you should be but is there a particular reason?"

"you're acting weird" kayla pointed out 

"yeah, whatever. so there was this girl who exposed theta for saving up papers to essentially cheat on the next term" 

"and you're happy because that happened? wasn't your boyfriend in theta?" rue sat down 

"yeah, like drama. but also, a bunch of theta bros got expelled but brandon didn't" she smiled 

"that's good i guess" rue chuckled 

"hey you ready?" kayla peeked into rue's room checking if the girl is ready for the 'running in the snow' tradition 

"yeah i am" she had never done anything like this before but she decided maybe try new things isn't so bad after all 

"what the fuck" rue yelled, the winds were strong, it was freezing and the three couldn't see anything or walk in a straight line "i swear to god if i get a boob frost bite-"

"everybody get ready to run" the man spoke through the megaphone, abby offered rue her whiskey 

"where did you carry tha- actually nevermind, give me that shit" she yanked the flask and gulped it down hoping it would provide some heat 

the three took their coats off like everyone else and ran, the cold wind on her arms, the adrenaline rush, the rapid breathing. rue felt alive for the first time in a long time. 

"that was fucking awesome" kayla yelled when they entered the omega party with everyone else 

"i need alcohol" rue went straight to the glasses and picked herself some booze. 

after a while of mingling with other people in the crowd she spotted someone, a familiar but raw, more emotional feeling overwhelmed her. there she was with her blonde hair, blue eyes always so perfect, leighton murray. looking at her then only did rue realise  she was not in fact over her. 

rue looked around to see abby with her boyfriend, kayla talking to people rue didn't know and leighton with her roommate, she took a big swig of the drink in her hand and took a deep breath walking towards the blonde. 

"hey." rue smiled at her, leighton's face immediately falling.

"hi" she said as she froze 

"you uh- you look amazing" rue looked away thinking it would ease the tension and make leighton's roommate stop staring her her 

"hey" a girl with a beanie walked up to the three of them "do you wanna dance?" she asked leighton 

"um, hello? we're talking" rue butted in gesturing between her and leighton 

"no, they aren't" the roommate interjected and dragged rue outside by her arm 

"hey, what are you doing?" rue yanked her arm away 

"no, what are you doing?" kimberly questioned "you hurt her-"

"listen" rue was confused as to how the girl knew but came to a conclusion that leighton probably told her. she tried guessing the girl's name "whit-?"

"kimberly" she crossed her arms 

"right, yes of course. kimberly, i know, i know that i hurt her, really bad and at that time i thought i knew what i was doing but i didn't" she confessed "it was messed up and i just wanna make things right with her" 

"no, there is no 'things' between you two, she doesn't want you she's over you" 

"i don't want her to chose me." she sighed "i mean i do want her to chose me obviously but it's okay if she doesn't. i just want her to know that i am here and i am an option and it's fine if that's all i am but" she didn't know if it was the alcohol talking "i have to try" she put her hands together in a pleading form "so please just, let me" 

"i-" kimberly was honestly moved, she did not know what to say. yes rue hurt her friend but she sounded so genuine and raw at this moment "fine, but don't expect any help from me" rue smiled 

"thank you" she nodded to herself, she made a mental note to follow her on social media in case they have to talk.