Pure Poison

Chapter Thirty-Nine

(TW)

The doctor stood up and offered his hand to me, "Now come child, you know better than to make a scene here. You have clients to attend to."

"Neo do not take his hand. Come with me instead."

Time stopped. Everything moved in slow motion. Watching the doctor extend his hand out to me, but also hearing Patrick offer his hand, promising me I will be safe with him. I have never been so conflicted before. I never had the chance to decide my fate, yet here I am. This conflict needed to occur somewhere else. In the woods? Or outside in the alley? Not here. Not at my job. Looking towards the doctor, my heart hurt. Here was the man who took my life from me, but was it ever my life to begin with? I killed my parents, I was silenced growing up, and he took me in after what my foster mother did to me. He took care of me before I signed the contract. He made me feel safe, and secure and allowed me to understand it was not my fault that I was human. I wanted an escape plan, and he was it. While most escape plans had an exit, this maze was too difficult for me to complete. I should have known something was up, but I was naive and wanted to explore what freedom was. He pulled the puppet strings perfectly, like when your mother promises she will change, you go back, and now you are trapped in this continuing cycle: Love, Anger, Fight, Removal, Promise, Return, Love, Anger, Fight, Removal, Promise. Eventually, you find a weird comfort feeling in the cycle. He was my comfort in the cycle I have been trapped in my whole life. I knew this was not love. This was possession.

Doctor, Patrick, and Arc are similar in this situation. Possession. They all want me, to control me, to love me, to allow me to be free but always in their grasp. While they are similar in this situation, they are opposites. I cannot stand how Arc pulls on my heart. Shattering it, but then taking the time to put it back together knowing he was the reason it shattered. Like he gives me a piece of his heart to fill the spots that we can no longer find. The anger, heartbreak, safety, protection, and possessiveness my soul craves, he gives to me. The aggressive nature of that man makes me crave him more. Patrick? I cannot figure him out. From the first day he saw me he has been slowly inching his way into my heart and mind. Every time I look at him my brain goes foggy and begs for the feeling of his touch, his love, and his protection... but my heart questions his motive. No one has ever been this careful with my porcelain self. It is like he knows if he drops me, I will shatter. There is a strange pull they have on me, like I am meant to be theirs.

James has been confusing me since the beginning. He watches me from the side lines, and he comes out of the room and fights his father for me? I know this father is not the alpha of The Moonstone Tribe. I do not know much about James, but there is something about him. He makes me feel like prey, like he is going to pounce on me once his opportunity arises.

How will I know my life will not end up like it is now with them two? In the beginning with the doctor, it was magical. I was on a high. Six months later, I was shoved into this club helping disgusting people. I fell from my high and crashed. A crash that should have killed me. From the beginning, the journey with Patrick and Arc was wonderful. Obviously there have been issues, but those issues could never compare to what I have delt with. Going shopping, playing games, drinking, exploring one's sexuality, and being treated equally have been the best experiences I could wish for, so why am I contemplating this choice?

The doctor owns me. He owns my accounts, car, school, mind, body, soul, everything. Arc and Patrick allow me to own myself. If I grab their hand, will they help me stay afloat, will they still love me after learning I am different from them? If I grab their hand, will they be okay with me being just me? Will they help dig my grave or help me fill it?

Why is life so hard? I should have taken the pills when they were offered. I should have dug the knife harder into my skin. I should have jumped off the cliff when I had the chance. Patrick, Arc, and James would be living normally, the doctor would have already refilled my position, and I would be at peace. Both options presented to me at this moment are another step into my grave, just how big of a step do I want to go?

Looking at the hands presented to me, I knew there was only one option I had. I sighed before I grabbed their hand, knowing no matter who I choose it would be a lose/lose.