A Man, a Girl, a Deserted Island - - A Crazy Epic Love Saga

Episode 37: We're Ambushed in the Dead of Night

I sleep deeply due to the exhaustion of the day. I dream that I'm at the wedding of a former lover.

I'm jealous that she's getting married, but there's nothing I can do about it. 

Oh well, at least I'll indulge myself. I'm going to eat like a pig.

I move from one table to another, filling my plate thoroughly. My gaze quickly jumps from one dish to another. 

What a wedding! 

I have everything, plenty of choices. It would be nice if I had a bigger plate! Overall, I collect slices of tender ham, sandwiches, pastries, cookies, biscuits, and all the goodies I can find.

Damn it, no fish, no fish for me! I said I don't want fish, thank you very much! 

No fish, no caviar, no seafood!

And just as I sit at a table and prepare to attack the plate, my dream is abruptly interrupted: I get a nudge in the ribs.

"I don't want fish!"

"Listen to him!" Eva laughs. "Fish!"

"What's up? What happened?"

"Nothing happened. It's just that you've been farting for about an hour now, and I'm fed up."

I rub my eyes. Oh, I'm still on this cursed beach.

"I'm farting?!" I say nervously. "Me? What the hell, it's impossible, I haven't eaten much today! What are you talking about, girl? What time is it?"

"I'd tell you," Eva mocks, "but my mobile phone is somewhere around here, in this salty soup. Tiberiu, let's talk for a bit. I can't sleep. Where are you from? I mean, what country?"

I mournfully think of the sandwiches left in my dream plate and feel like I hate Eva. 

Damn it! Another one who wants to chat in the dead of night.

"I'm not from any country. Let me sleep."

"Come on, tell me!"

"I'm an islander. I'm the king of this island."

"Nonsense. Why don't you want to tell me, well, whatever? Why?"

"Because I read somewhere that you shouldn't judge a person by their nationality."

"Here's a 100-point answer. Well done! You're Italian, aren't you?"

"Me? Ha, ha! You're making me laugh. No, dear, I'm not a pasta eater. Where did you come up with that?"

"Well, your name is Tiberiu. By name. Anyway, your English is so poor that you could as well be Turkish or Eskimo."

"You've caught me. I'm an Eskimo! Can I sleep now?"

I yawn and stretch. Oh, those sandwiches...

"Just a moment!" she exclaims suddenly. "Move your head a bit to the right. Like that. You know something? You really have the profile of an Eskimo. Did you know that Eskimos kiss with their noses?"

"What nonsense!"

"Why is it nonsense? They've been doing it for thousands of years. It's natural for them."

"Then Eskimos are fools. I don't judge them by nationality, but they're fools. Good night!"

"I love how quickly you jump to conclusions," she says, looking at me with wide eyes.

"And I love that we've made up and that you're not mad at me anymore."

"I also love that we've shipwrecked on a deserted island and are chatting with a bearded Eskimo in the middle of the night."

"Clearly, you're smitten with me. Want to goof around? Why don't you just tell me directly? Spit it out."

"I hope you didn't imagine that I want to sleep with you again," she laughs softly.

"No? You don't want me anymore? Fine. Good night!"

"I never wanted you. I was just teasing you, and you took me seriously. It's an accident that we had sex."

She's impossible. 

Where are the sandwiches?! I abandoned a plate full of pork ham and pastries for this conversation? Damn it!

"Now you've really pissed me off."

"Ha, ha!"

"But stop laughing already! You're annoying me."

"Interesting. In the moonlight, you look even older. It must be because of the beard. No, no! You're really old! What a nuisance to end up here with an old perverted, lecherous, long-bearded man. Listen to him, he wants to sleep with me. Aren't you ashamed? I could be your daughter."

She's right.

"How old are you, Eva?"

"I'll be twenty-six soon. In May. On May 23rd."

"And I turned forty-four last month."

"Old man!"

"44 minus 26... eighteen years difference. You being my daughter? What a good joke! I'll confess something to you, the old man's girl: at around eighteen, I was still a virgin, so there's no chance you could call me daddy."

"Shut up!"

"Why?"

"Just shut up already!" she whispers. "I heard a strange noise!"

"Where?"

"Don't talk anymore!" she whispers quickly. "Don't breathe. Be quiet and listen carefully."

I listen with my ears perked for a few seconds. We're on an island. Besides waves and wind, what strange noises can you hear on an island? 

I focus my hearing even more.

At that moment, Eva lets out the most shameless and loudest fart I've ever heard in my life. And she laughs her head off.

"Oh... what can I say... Very funny, Eva!"

Dear Lord, my heart jumped out of my chest! What a scare!

"Do you still love me now?"

"I can't believe that such a delicate girl like you could do something like that! Shame on you! You know what? I'm going to pick up my toys and leave. I'm too old for this nonsense. My heart is too weak."

I get up and leave angrily. Eva's giggles can be heard behind me. What a fool! I need to get away from her.

And suddenly, I trip and fall flat on the sand.

I curse, get up, and rub my foot with my palm. Oh, it hurts! It hurts like hell! What did I trip over?

I look around, and I'm surprised beyond belief.

"Eva!" I shout. "Eva! Come over here quickly!"

"I'm not even considering it," she laughs from the darkness.

I grab my head with my hands and look astonished at the spectacle around me.

"I'm not kidding!" I shout to her. "Come here! You need to see this!"

Eva appears surprised and abruptly stops. She puts her hands on her cheeks and widens her eyes.

"Fantastic!" she says, looking around. "I've never seen anything like this in my life!"

The truth is, I've never had the chance to see hundreds of turtles gathered on the same beach.

I look towards the waves. It's just the beginning. Dozens of turtles emerge from the water and head towards the shore. I look at Eva, and she looks at me. 

The turtles look at us.

I'm wide awake now.