Say Don't Go

XVIII. a deal of convenience

"You are taking the Ma in your name too seriously Mahi.", Vanraj said with a smile, eyes shut.
Mahi looked up and her gaze fell on Anupamaa.
Anupamaa smiled back warmly.

"Good night, Papa.", Mahi said softly as she removed her hand from his forehead, "I will go and sleep with Ansh and Ishani."
Vanraj nodded as he turned to a side, trying to make himself comfortable.
Mahi got off the bed and walked down to Anupamaa.
"We need to talk.", She said in a whisper, rather commanding one.

Anupamaa was rather amused, the child had already adopted her father's nature of dominating and commanding.

Mahi walked out first and Anupamaa followed her out, shutting the door.
"Why are you here, Badi Maa?", Mahi asked as she pulled a chair and sat.
Anupamaa stared at her, as the child sat back, a hand on the back of the chair, looking straight into her eyes.
Almost interrogative.
She had seen this before, the same look of authority and power.

Anupamaa realised, she had to tread very carefully.
Mahi was really not the sweet child that she showed, she had a cold side as well.
It was complex psychology she was dealing with.
The more time passed, more would the cold side take over her.

Anupamaa smiled at Mahi as she pulled a chair for herself and sat.
"I am working on my restaurant business here.", She replied honestly.
"Then why were you talking to Papa?", Mahi asked, as stiff as ever.
"Well, because.. he is an old acquaintance.", She said, the warm smile intact.

Mahi inhaled deeply.
"Papa will not mention, but he really missed you.", She said, eyes fixed on Anupamaa in a cold gaze, as she shifted to a more comfortable position on the chair.
"And your presence is making it difficult for him. You had your engagement ceremony here and he was trying everything to avoid seeing you. He overworked himself because you were coming back.", She said calmly.

Anupamaa stared at her, rather stunned.
The child was definitely much beyond her age, the tragedy had made her grow up too soon.
"Your presence hurts him, Badi Maa.", She added, "And I hate to see him in pain."

Anupamaa drew in a deep breath, realising she had been right.
Mahi had definitely learnt this from her father, she was fiercely protective.
"You want me to leave, beta?", Anu asked softly, hoping to see the smiling innocence of a seven year old.
"Unless you intent to stay here with him.", Came the mature, steady reply.

"He is my everything. The only one who loves and cares for me.. and I know, he has been alone and in pain. If you..", Mahi paused, inhaling deeply, "If you also want to.. be here with him.. then please stay."

The last line had a lacing of tenderness, a request.
She sat upright again, "Otherwise, please don't give him hope.", Her voice going cold again.

Anupamaa nodded, drawing in a deep breath.

Mahi got off the chair to head into the room where she was supposed to sleep.
She paused abruptly.
Anupamaa watched her, observantly.

"It would be really nice.. if you stayed.. Badi Maa.", She said softly, looking away.
"Why don't you want your mother back?", Anupamaa asked, she knew she was touching a bleeding wound.
Mahi turned towards her, almost enraged.
"Because she does not love me or my Papa. She has a new husband, new child. She does not need either of us.. especially my Papa. She cheated on him and then dumped me on him and left.", She said, Anupamaa saw the rage, but she heard the quiver more.

She gulped.
"You hate her because she left you.. or because she wronged your Papa?", She asked gently.
Mahi inhaled deeply.
"My Papa is everything for me. If you want to be with him.. only then you should be here.. otherwise, have a good night, Badi Maa. And a good bye before he sees you again.", Saying so she stormed off.

Anupamaa watched her go in silence.
The answer became quite evident.

Sometimes the ache our loved ones have, overpower our own.
And sometimes the hate our loved ones should have, become our own.
She did not blame Kavya, yet she could see collateral damage. Something that Vanraj could not fix.
He could not ask his daughter to stop loving him.

Anupamaa walked back into the bedroom, knowing Mister Shah had not slept.
She opened the door to find him right before her, he had had his ear to the door.

"You saw here.. didn't you? I can't believe she became like this..", He said, panicking.
"She does want me to stay-"
"But for me, Anupamaa! Not for herself-"
"She will accept anybody who cares for her Papa.", She said.
"Yeah but you obviously don't! No one would. There is no way my daughter will be healed.. I am such a failure as a father.", He said sitting back on the bed, defeated.

"I don't, maybe. But I can act.", She said softly.
Vanraj looked up at her.
"For her.. the greatest ache is not that Kavya left. It is the fact that she left you after she wronged you. She somehow feels guilty in this whole mess, because.. well.. she was the illegitimate child. The proof of her mother's infidelity. And that guilt is making her bitter towards Kavya. If we make her believe you are happy.. maybe things will change.", Anupamaa said calmly.

Vanraj stared at her in silence.
"But.. I wasn't sad in all these years. We had so much fun! We went out.. I took her on vacations, father's day at school.. homework..", He whispered.
"She sees through you, Mister Shah.", Anupamaa said softly.

He gulped.
"She needs both.. a mother and a wife for you. Her counsellor was right.. she needs a normal family.. but she will not trust anyone new either. She is too protective of you.. she thinks everyone wants to hurt you, including me.", She said, calmly.

"So? What do we do now?", He asked helplessly.
"Make her believe that you are happy..", Anupamaa paused, judging the weight of what she was going to say, "With me."

Vanraj blinked off his tears.
"You know what you are saying, Anupamaa?", He asked, clearing his throat.

Anupamaa stared down at the floor.
"Just the way a piece of paper does not break relationships, I doubt it would form any.", She said.

There was silence.
And then Vanraj stood up.

"You don't have to do this for my daughter. You left me because I deserved it. You-you don't need to sacrifice your self respect-"
"I am not coming back to you.", She said immediately, sharply, "I am signing up to being Mahi's legal mother."

She turned away.

"It is a marriage of convenience. We will only be parents to Mahi. I-I can't let a good child like her go through so much pain.. she deserves better.. and I.. anyways have no one else. I am well settled, independent now. I have a part of this house on my name, I own it as well. If my signing a few papers and pretending to be happy can save a child from getting emotionally ruined. I do not mind.", She said immediately.

"It is a deal.", She said turning back towards him.
"A deal to heal at least one of our children. I don't know where we went wrong with the others.. but I know we won't go wrong this time. I won't.", She added.

Vanraj felt an overwhelm of emotions, but he held himself back.
He looked down and nodded.
"It is a deal. Nothing less and definitely nothing more.", He said, inhaling deeply.

Anupamaa nodded.
To her, this was her redemption, as a mother.
Vanraj nodded too.
To him, this was his redemption, for everything he had done wrong.

...

and guess where we are B)
your author's giving into public demands nowadays :))