Youforia [N.H]

42

The night that followed was a rollercoaster. The first half was horrible, I hate how exposed I felt without being in the safety of the bedroom but I stayed glued to Niall's side which was the only thing that made me feel safe.

After looking at the menu it was like a painful reminder to myself that if I ate I'd be fuelling my body to feel pain for longer, I'd essentially be torturing myself by eating, it would probably be enough to keep me alive for an additional week, that's another week of nightmares and pain.

It eventually ended up in an argument, probably the worst one we had, actually it's the only one we've had after being together. It was an eye opener for me seeing just how much pain my words caused him, it didn't take me long to snap and speak the thoughts that had been burdening me and it was when that cold hopeless look appeared on his face that I knew I fucked up. He pleaded with me like his life depended on it but I tried to explain it couldn't do it, I don't think i could ever describe how much pain I was truly in.

We made a deal, I gave him a month of my life. The way he described it was that it'd only be thirty days compared to an eternity of nothing, that's what hit me hard, an eternity of nothing. An eternity without Niall. I don't want to leave him. I promised to try, but I realised I was mostly just doing this for him, I couldn't leave him this hurt when I didn't even give him a chance. He's always done so much for me and maybe the least I could do was try for him. I have an urge to make him proud, to make him happy. What could be the harm in just trying to get better? I shouldn't trust my own judgment in a time like this, and I do want to be like I was before this week. I think seeing Niall relieved with my agreement was enough to spark a little optimism in me.

Now I knew I had more apologising to do. I need to apologise to everyone in this penthouse and my dad.

I had woken up in clean sheets, it was a refreshing feeling compared to the last week, it helped me to try and stay positive.

"Sleeping beauty has awoken" I hear immediately after I stretched my legs and arms out, the cheerful voice being the first thing I heard.

I opened my eyes to find my self facing him, he was also on his side but he had shuffled down more to be face to face with me. The sun shone through the window and hit his skin in a way that made it glow.

For the first night I had a really good sleep, maybe it was because I had a full stomach and I felt less nauseated. Maybe it was because I didn't have a nightmare. Maybe it's both.

That same feeling of hunger was the first thing I felt though, It was like I haven't eaten anything again, I felt starving.

I shuffled in closer to Niall and he helped as he put hand over my waist pulled me in, I kinda just wanted to stay here. I felt good just laying here with him.

"Happy guitar day" he muses right by my ear.

One of the only things that's had me feeling excited this whole week was when Niall told me about the music store last night.

I'm really fucking excited to get my guitar.

"Niall" I murmur, there's something I'd been wanting to ask him but I'd been too scared to. I know it might make him happy but i think right now would be the perfect time to ask. I don't have much to lose right now, it would hurt the least right now with everything else I have to deal with.

"Aycie" he nods and I pull out of his chest to look up at his soft features, his hair was all messy just like I liked it, his eyes and lips shared the features of happiness. He was a very happy guy, he seemed to be smiling any chance he got.

"I have a question for you" I speak cautiously, seeing how his happiness didn't fade but a look of curiosity was added to his face.

"Go for it, I'm all ears" he grins and his hand moves from my waist to my upper arm where he squeezed it reassuringly.