-EVERYTHING- J.G. + J.W x Fem! Reader

Fever (j.g)

The situation was overwhelming, I just wanted a break. As much as it was needed, I felt it was impossible with the circumstances.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, pulling it out and looking at the screen. It was Johnnie.

I softly smiled as I saw it, selecting the answer button as I put the phone to my ear.

"Yo." He said, me clearing my throat.

"Hey, what's up?.." I painfully said, my voice crackling.

I heard him laugh a bit over the line, before he spoke.

"Jesus, you sound like shit Y/N." He joked.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring it.

"Shut up fucker.." I mumbled to him.

"Are you sick? Do you need me to postpone the video?" He asked, genuinely concerned this time.

I felt my stomach swirl in anxiety as he suggested the postpone. I can't do that to my friends.

"N-no! No please don't. I'm fine, I swear to you I'm fine." I quickly said back to him, trying to ignore my symptoms.

A few seconds of silence passed by, until Johnnie replied.

"You don't sound fine." He mumbled on the other line.

I chewed at my nails, nervous.

"Just tell me the truth and I'll help you." The boy offered, his soft but raspy tone showing a bit more.

My hand held my forehead, rubbing it as I gave into his deal.

"I feel like shit, to be honest. My throat burns, my head is pounding, I keep coughing, and my body aches."

Johnnie gave a little, "hm." over the phone, responding later on.

"I'm postponing that video until you get better. Get in bed, I'll be there in a few." He said, without hesitation.

My eyes widened a little, straightening my posture and putting my free hand on the counter.

"Wait Johnnie-"

The boy hung up, leaving me in the dust with my phone against my ear. My lips were a little bit parted, surprised.

A part of me felt guilty, though. I know I can't control being sick, but the rest of me is blaming myself for everything.

The postpone, Johnnie coming over, all my fault. Everything was my fault.
___

I clicked on my laptop keys, sending out yet another message to the podcast host. My eyes felt heavy, my chest as well.

It was like there was this weight on my shoulders. I don't know how to feel about it.

Part of the weight makes me angry, another part sad, and the final one exhausted. Nothing mattered to me but being perfect.

Perfect for the world, everyone. I can't disappoint anybody right now, which is why I'm trying my hardest to fight the urge to reschedule the podcast.

I knew how Johnnie would feel, seeing me sick and still working. He has always been worried about how long I spend on my occupation.

Of course, money keeps people alive. But it's not the money that keeps me working.

It's fear. Fear of being chewed up and spit out by this cruel, consuming world we live in.

However, no matter how much I want a break, it's about what I need. And I will forever need love and validation from the world.

Two things I can never grant myself. Those feelings are earned with bystanders in my head.