𝕿𝖆𝖓𝖟 𝖒𝖎𝖙 𝖉𝖊𝖒 𝕱𝖊𝖚𝖊𝖗 - ᴰᵃⁿᶜⁱⁿᵍ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᶠⁱʳᵉ - (Rammstein)

𝕱𝖊𝖚𝖊𝖗 𝖚𝖓𝖉 𝖂𝖆𝖘𝖘𝖊𝖗 (𝟐𝟗)

Shaking my head, I pushed myself off the bed and walked over to the window. I pulled back the curtains, letting the sunlight pour in and wash over me, hoping it would bring some clarity. Down below, the city was buzzing with life, completely unaware of the storm inside me.

I thought about the tour, the band, the show tomorrow. I was excited, I really was, but I was also terrified. What if I couldn't keep it together? What if everything that had been building up inside me crashed down when I was backstage? Could I channel it all into a hyperfocus, or would it be too much?

I was so tired of feeling this way—of the uncertainty, the doubts, the fear. I wanted to talk to someone, just to get it all out, but who? Richard? The thought of that terrified me, because if I talked to him, if I opened up, it meant confronting whatever this was between us. And I didn't know if I was ready for that.

My phone buzzed in my hand, pulling me back to the present. It was another message from Alexander.

Alex (7:31 PM)
Don't be too hard on yourself, okay? You're doing amazing. Call me soon.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Alexander always knew how to ground me, even from miles away. I typed out a quick reply.

(7:31 PM) Anna
Thanks, Alex. I miss you.

I hit send and put the phone down, trying to shake off the heaviness that had settled over me. Maybe I should get out of this room, get some fresh air. Do something to clear my head before calling it a night.

But even as I thought that, I knew it wasn't the air I needed—it was clarity, it was direction. I needed to figure out what was going on inside me before I stepped on that stage tomorrow. Before I talked to Richard. Before everything came to a head.

I walked over to the door of Richard's connecting hotel room, listening if I could hear anything. It was quiet, the type that told me he was probably not there, yet I knocked softly. My heart ached for his support, for the heat of his body and his lingering scent.

"Richard?" my voice barely above a whisper, but I heard no reply. I knocked again, a bit louder this time, thinking he might be asleep. Nothing. My heart beat heavily in my chest as I opened the door slightly, peeking in, "Reesh?" I asked, but didn't see him, so opened the door fully. I craved his support, the understanding in his eyes as he looked at me. I walked over to his bed which was unkept, and laid down in it. Closing my eyes as the smell of him danced around me. It was not enough to comfort me fully, but it was a start.

The message from Alexander weighed on my mind, his words echoing in the quiet room. It felt like he was reaching out across the miles, trying to pull me back to some semblance of normalcy, to remind me that I still had connections to home, even when I felt so far away from it all.

I typed out a quick message, keeping it light at first.

(7:41 PM) Anna
Hey, thanks for the message earlier. How are things back in Brussels? Still cold and rainy?

A few moments later, my phone buzzed with his reply.

Alex (7:43 PM)
Cold, yes. Rainy, of course. But I don't mind it. How about you? How's life on tour? Making sure the band doesn't set anything important on fire?"

I chuckled at that, yet the memory resurfaced one more. The guitar in Richard's hands, the sting on my leg--I shook my head, focusing on that initial chuckle. Alexander always knew how to make me smile, even when things felt overwhelming.

(7:44 PM) Anna
Trying my best. It's a lot, though. Non-stop work. Exciting, but kind of exhausting too.

Alex (7:44 PM)
I can imagine. But you're killing it, I'm sure.