Almost Alice » l.h

1.9

"Actually, Al," Michael spoke up nervously, chewing on his lip, "I need to talk to you real quick..."

My heart dropped because I knew this couldn't be good. I nodded slowly and promised Calum I'd meet him in class. As him and Violet went to class and Ashton left the building, Michael and I stayed where we were, knowing no one would come back here since there were no morning classes down this hallway.

He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. "I fucked up. Something happened and I fucked the fuck up."

"How?" I asked slowly, trying to stay calm. The last thing I needed was another panic attack.

"I didn't tell anyone." he promised, looking me in the eyes. "I'd never ever tell anyone anything I'm not supposed to."

"Then what happened?"

"After you and Calum left the cliff, I went to hang out with Luke and Vi and her boyfriend and-"

"Luke found out?!" I whisper-yelled, jumping straight to that conclusion.

Michael quickly shook his head and sat down, pulling me to sit next to him. "Violet's boyfriend is friends with Ross."

It clicked in my head. Ross fucking knew. Out of everyone who could find out, somehow Ross did.

I took in a shaky breath and swallowed the lump in my throat. "H-how?"

He ran his hands over his face and sighed. "We went out to eat and he was sitting in the booth next to me. You and I were texting and you sent me a message and he looked at my phone and saw. I saw him looking and I brought him outside and told him not to tell anyone. He was being an ass about it and we got into a fight. I'm so sorry, I tried everything to get him not to tell but he's all pissy because you wouldn't sleep with him. I'm handling it as best as I can. When I see him today, I'll-"

"He's in English right now." I told him.

"With you? In Lavoie's?" Michael asked quickly, getting to his feet.

"No," I shook my head, "the other one."

"Get to class," Michael said, already turning to run down the hall, "I'll handle it."

-

I couldn't focus at all. I'd tried texting Michael about Ross but he said he wasn't in class. He even asked the front office if he knew where Ross was, saying he needed to return notes to him for his class. The office said that he'd been marked as absent. I was hoping that was true.

"What's wrong with you?" Calum leaned over and whispered to me, making me jump.

I looked at him. "Nothing, don't worry."

"What did Michael tell you?" he pressed. "Whatever it is, I'm assuming it's what's stressing you out."

"Please don't worry about it." I begged. "It's something I can't talk about. Not right now."

The bell rang for the end of class and we both got up and put our bags on our shoulders. We left the classroom and walked down the hall together.

"Is this about the secret you can't tell me?" Calum asked. "Did you tell Mikey about it? Is that it?"

"Calum, I'd really appreciate it if-"

I looked up from the floor and saw Ross standing in the middle of the hallway, eyes locked on me, with a smirk on his face like he'd just played the best hand in a game of poker when everyone had gone all-in. I knew I needed to stop him but I knew I couldn't do it by myself. Therefore, I knew I was fucked.

"Alice Ackerman, you dirty fucking liar!" he shouted to get everyone's attention. Of course everyone did stop and look between him and us.

"What's going on?" Calum asked quietly.

"Find Michael, please." I told him and he pulled out his phone.

"I guess I really dodged a bullet with you." he laughed harshly, walking over to me.

I shook my head and looked at him with pleading eyes. "Ross, please don't."

"Why? You're lying to everyone." he said, stopping until he was only about two feet away - Calum glared at him and wouldn't let him get any closer as he talked quickly and quietly into the phone. "Is Alice even your real name?"

I knew it was a rhetorical question but I still responded with, "Yeah, it is."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "That's an odd name for a boy."

I swear, my heart stopped beating right then. Calum went stiff beside me and turned his head to look down at me. From the corner of my eye, I saw Michael finally push his way through the crowd but stop right as the words left Ross' mouth.

"What?" Calum asked quietly, sounding genuinely confused and even a little angry.

"Yeah, Alice Ackerman was born a dude." Ross said proudly with a booming voice, crossing his arms over his chest. "She's had the surgery and she takes pills everyday. I have the proof if you need it too."

My eyes welled with tears as people stared at me and whispered to their friends. Calum furrowed his eyebrows and put his phone away slowly. Michael closed his eyes and looked defeated, mouthing profanities.

"I'm n-not a boy." I choked out.

"Why couldn't you just tell me?" Calum asked, sounding betrayed. "I thought we were friends. I told you about shit I don't tell anyone and you couldn't tell me this? You told Michael first? The kid who, out of everyone, you hardly talk to? Seriously?"

Instead of answering Calum, I looked back at Ross who looked proud of himself for ruining my entire life. I stepped up to him and punched him as hard as I could manage. He stumbled back and fell, probably because he was taken off guard.

From there, I ran through the crowd, pushing my way through the people. I ran as fast as I could toward the front doors. I could still hear people talking but I mostly heard Michael calling my name.

I knew not everyone would think I was weird. A lot of people were used to trans people but I wasn't really trans; not completely. I was raised as a girl my whole life. I was 100% born Alice Olivia Ackerman. I didn't have any name changes or anything. I never had to take pills for boobs or get surgery on my face or any of the other hard things trans women had to go through. But how would I explain that to anyone?

Maybe I was blowing this way out proportion but I was panicking. I didn't plan on telling anyone for a long time and suddenly, everyone knows. This was the whole reason I didn't want to go to school in the first place.

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So like that's kind of her secret. She's not trans though but you'll find out about all the details later.

And before people get all social justice on me and say I shouldn't be writing about this if I've never experienced it, one of my friends has a friend who's like Alice and basically I have her ask them about how they felt about it and how they're going through with it and all that stuff. So I'm not pulling all this out of my ass okay. I actually asked someone who's gone through all of this.

I originally was gonna have all this happen after her and Luke's date but I figured y'all waited long enough. But Luke doesn't even know about this yet haaaaa