Raw [#Wattys2015]

Chapter 20

He pushes me away slightly so he can look at me, "Are ya' sure it's pain you're feeling? Or is it just fear that hurts a whole damn lot?"

I sit back on my heels, twisting the end of James' t-shirt in my fingers so that I can use it to wipe my eyes. "Both, I guess. Mostly fear though, I think." I put my face in my hands and yell into them. "Daddy, I'm just so scared of all of it! I'm scared of someone having the power to break what is left of me! I've seen and lived through how destructive love can be!"

"Sugar," He gently tugs on both of my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. "Calm down a little, will ya'? You've gotcha' self all worked up. Give yourself a chance to take a deep breath."

I oblige, because damnit if he isn't right. I feel like I'm suffocating with every heave of my lungs.

"Sugar bear, love isn't always that way. It doesn't always break you. Somet—"

"No!" I shout at him. "You're wrong! Look at you! You've been mourning her loss since she walked out on us eighteen years ago! She destroyed you, Daddy!"

He looks at me, seemingly riveted into a stunned silence by my outburst of pure truth. He will never admit how completely broken he has remained since my mother left him, yet he has lived and endured life with only pieces of himself. He survived being a single father of two little girls, who turned into pre-teen brats, then suffered the loss of his oldest child all on his own. I know he resents her for never coming back to pay her respects to Belle and for leaving him alone to bury their child, despite how much he still loves her. He too has been broken repeatedly by love, which is why he can't make it through a single day without popping a handful of anti-depressants and anxiety medications.

"Rory?" Maggie's soft voice seems to echo loudly through my room. My dad looks over at her, and I see the tears glazing his eyes reflecting in the fluorescent overhead light.

He stands up, "I'll just leave you two girls alone in here."

I open my mouth to apologize for hurting him, because of course that wasn't my intention, but he stops me when he places a heartfelt kiss on my forehead. "I love ya' sugar. You may not believe me, butcha' gonna' get yourself through this."

With regret consuming my thoughts, I watch him slowly hobble out of my room, quietly closing the door behind him.

"Rory, what happened?" Maggie asks, sitting down next to me. I peel my eyes away from my closed bedroom door and look at her, then lose it again. My back curls up as I smash my face into my hands and sob loudly into them, while letting myself fall onto my side. Maggie crawls up behind me, wrapping her lanky arms around my body that is balled up into a fetal position and hugs me tightly against her.

She presses her face into the crook of my neck, tightening her arms. "It's okay, Rory. Just let yourself fall apart, okay? I'm here now and I'll hold you together."

Her words are a release, unshackling the chains and opening up all the things inside of me that were locked up so tightly, and I crumble to pieces right there with her holding me together in the middle of my bed, like I have so many times before.

I wake up, still curled into a tight ball on my side. Looking around the room, I immediately notice Maggie lying on her stomach next to me.

She smiles at me, then reaches up to my nightstand and grabs a cold bottle of water sitting there. "Here. Thought you might be thirsty when you woke up."

"How long have I been asleep?"

She glances over at the clock, "Just a few hours."

Forcing myself to sit up, I graciously accept it and chug down half of it before letting myself breathe. Screwing the cap back on, I hand it back to her and use James' shirt to wipe my messy face.