Muse

Complications

"A little over a year ago I was in a relationship, a fairly serious relationship."

"Em," I say to myself and Daniel raises his eyebrows at me.

"I thought you said you didn't e-stalk me, darling." He winks.

"Not stalk. I ran one search and that topic was hard to avoid. A lot of people are interested in whom you date."

"Yes, and that was a big part of the end of my relationship with Em."

The black tangles in his chest knot and tighten around the flower blooming there, almost obscuring its light completely.

"Was it better for your career to be single?" I ask.

One of Daniel's shoulders goes up then down. "Perhaps that's the case. It's never affected my decisions to enter into or continue a relationship. Total privacy is impossible, but I don't live my life on social media either." He pauses. A fist clenches and unclenches on his stomach. "I was ready to marry her. At the time I brought it up, Em wasn't as invested in the relationship as I was. You see, we were a good match. We supported each other. She always encouraged me even after my theater career went nowhere, but I don't think she ever expected me to be a success in the way you mean it when you say you want to be a successful author. When I achieved that...it altered her opinion of me. I changed too. My feelings for her never did, though I definitely basked in all the attention I received. I didn't care that it was a niche market. People wanting me were people wanting me.

"I was never unfaithful. I just enjoyed flirting. Harmless, yet ultimately disrespectful. Then the rumors started. That I cheated, that I'd been secretly married and Em was my mistress. She caught a lor of flack from my fans for being associated with me and being a woman. People say it's only talk online, that it's harmless, but it affects people's reputations. It affected Em's career and it, I, got to be too much for her. I wanted to work things out. She didn't and that was the end."

"Was it?" The thorny vines strangle Daniel's rose. Its light dims and one of its petals falls and vanishes. I think I hear a chime from the front room. I ignore it.

"I won't pretend I've healed completely. I was in love and ready to commit. Rejection is difficult when you're so invested emotionally."

"I see."

"There, now. Quite romantic, isn't it, hearing me moan about my ex?"

Absently, I reach over and toy with one of the aetheric vines. A normal human can't do this. Usually, only muses can but I'm an adept and when Daniel relaxes at my aetheric stroke, I take that as a sign to continue. Touching the flower, at this point, would be wrong. The vines are ok.

"It's not romantic," I say, "but it's true and truth is intimate in a way. That's what scares me most about being an author. Everything I write, even the most trivial thing, is intimate and I'm sharing that with everyone. I'm forming these strange relationships with many people and some of those people won't like me or my work. They might hate me, in fact. And since they don't really know me they can be really mean about it. I know it's not the same as losing someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, but that sort of rejection is devastating to me. It's like I almost don't want to achieve my goal because I'm scared to deal with it. If I stay like I am, writing and half-heartedly pursuing some sort of notoriety, I can be a writer and always live with the fantasy of success without ever having to deal with its consequences."