This was a therapeutic chain of events.

TWELVE

"I wanna change." I said bluntly to Brendon. 

"Oh ok, I'll just be out here." He said leaving and closing the door behind him. 

I turned to my window, and actually debated whether or not to just climb out of it for the 100th time and leave, leave forever. I could easily do it. But then I thought about it, how would I get any money, where would I go? Would I leave the state, or just the town? How long would it take my parents to realise I was gone? All these thoughts piled up in my head and made me think otherwise. They ust have people like me in California, they have to. I'm a sociable person, maybe I didn't need to stay with Brendon, maybe I could just leave when I'm out there, hitch hike to Las Vegas maybe. All these thoughts seemed appealing to me, now I just had to get through my time with Brendon. 

I pulled out of my closet some clothes I thought would be comfortable for the flight. My head repeatedly told me leave jump out the window and never return, but my gut told me to leave with Brendon, go start a new life in LA. I pulled on some black jeans, ripped all the way up the leg, my black combat boots with the silver and Bono's massively oversized flannel which still smelt like him and drowned my tiny body. I figured LA would be sunny, so I grabbed a pair of ray ban aviators from my side and stuffed them in my back pack, pushing the door open to reveal my ass had of a brother. 

"Let's just get this over with." I mumbled, knocking passed him and storming down the stairs. I was rather disgruntled when I saw my two parents standing at the bottom over the stairs. Actually disgruntled is quite a nice word, I was insanely pissed, I didn't look at them, didn't say goodbye, not even so much as a scoff came out my throat. I just dug in my jeans pocket for my house keys, tossing them at my Dad's chest before leaving the apartment and slamming the front door behind me. I opened the boot of the cab throwing in my duffel bag and backpack, moving round to the right hand side and slumping down on the black fabric of the cab seat. I saw Brendon appear from the black door of my now old apartment, jogging down the front steps and walking over to the left hand side of the cab sliding in next to me. 

"JFK airport please." Brendon spoke. 

"I need to say goodbye to someone." I spoke looking over at Brendon for a brief second before the cab driver asked where he was taking us.

"Okay." Brendon smiled. Look jackass just because I said 7 words to you, doesn't mean were pals.

"Squirrel Hill Cafe please." I said to the cab driver before slumping back down in my seat and pulling out my phone. I had text Bono about 10 minutes ago, telling him to meet me by the bus stop near the squirrel cafe. 

*I'll be there.* I read, then I shut my phone off and stuffed it back into my pocket. 

The cab pulled up outside the cafe, and I stared at it for a minute, I felt myself growing almost sad, I didn't know the next time I would be here. 

"Make it quick, I'm on a line." The cab driver said, I was shaken out of my trance and I stepped out of the cab. 

As I was almost about to reach the door, the person who I came to see came bursting out with that brotherly concerned look on his face. Lucas. 

"Ronnie what happened? I tried to call you last night, Jenny said something happened, I was so worried about you, what's this?" Lucas frantically spoke without breathing, he held up my wrist the one that still had my hospital wristband on and honestly looked so afraid for me. At least I knew someone cared. 

"Lucas." I smiled placing both my hands on the side of his face, in some kind of attempt to calm him down. "I'm fine, see." I said, gesturing to the rest of my body, still in one piece. I paused for a minute looking into his eyes. "I came to say goodbye." I said softly. 

"Goodbye, where are you going?" He asked his eyebrows furrowed and confused. 

"I'm going away for a while, I'm going to California." I said, forcing a smile so he didn't worry. 

"California? Why?" He asked still as confused as before. 

"I'm going to live with my brother." I said jutting my thumb backwards towards the cab, causing him to look up for a second. There was a moment of silence between both of us. "Thank you." I said placing both my hands on the side of his face once again, directing his eyes towards me. 

"For what?" He said, I felt like we were both on the verge of crying. 

"For being there for me, when no one else was. You saved me." I spoke, my voice cracked and he pulled me in for a hug that went on for what seemed like forever. 

"I'll never forget you Ronnie." He spoke into my shoulder. 

"And I'll never forget you Lucas." I giggled. "I'll see you again, you can count on it." I backed away from him and shot him a small wave. He returned the favour and walked back inside the cafe I would miss dearly. 

I heard my name being called from the other end of the street and I looked down it to see Bono sprinting up as fast as he could.

"Ronnie!" He shouted still a little way down the street. 

"Hey." I laughed, he immediately crashed into me and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me in for a death grip hug. 

"I'm so glad you're okay." He muffled into my neck. "How could you be so stupid?!" He grabbed both sides of my face and shook me a little, he also looking like her wanted to cry. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I said, one single tear rolled down my cheek and he brushed it away, pulling me in for another hug. "I'm leaving." I spoke against his collar. 

"What?" He said, he broke away from out hug and looked at me with the same look Lucas gave me.

"I'm going to California." I didn't know when the next time I would see this boys goofy face was, so I stopped for a minute, taking in every singe one of his features. He was speechless. 

"I-" He began to say, but couldn't finish. I heard the cab door open and Brendon get out, he called my name.

"Ronnie." He spoke softly. "We gotta go." I groaned and turned around 3 more tears escaping my eyes. 

"I'll be there in a second." My voice cracked and I wiped away the tears, looking back towards Bono. He had little specs of water in the corner of his eyes, threatening to escape if he blinked. 

"Ok, well, I gotta go. You take care of yourself ok, don't go getting into trouble without me." I smiled through the tears. 

"I love you Veronica Urie, you insane motherfucker." He smiled, pulling me in for one final hug. 

"And I love you Neville Truman, you crazy son of a bitch." I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life, until we both let go. 

"Don't worry about me, I can make it through anything remember." I said to his stepping back and saluting him. He shot me a curt nod and a wave, smiling widely. 

I proceeded round the front of the cab, sliding in the door, stopping any tears from escaping my eyes. My whole body screamed with sadness. Until that part of me returned that told me to feel nothing. Seconds later, I was back to my emotionless state, in which I thrived. 

The cab turned the corner and passed the bench where my dear friend used to lie. And even then, I felt nothing.