Broken (Edited edition)

Old Memories

"He's dead, and I killed him!" I yell at him, my teeth showing." He's dead, because he tried to kill me." I say. He stares at me, and blinks a few times. He's eyes are dilated, and he swings his fist at me. I go Black, and I hear screaming. It's Jimmy screaming, and it's sounds like he's in pain. My vision comes back, and I'm standing over him. His nose is bleeding, and he crying in pain as he clutches onto his face. There's a huge group of people surrounding us, and I get tense. I start back away, and I'm scared. I don't know what happened, this isn't me. I'm not violent, I'm not evil. Or....am I?

I push past a few people, and start running. I'm scared, I've never done that before. It came on command. I wanted to show him what I meant by what I said. I did kill Todd, but I also didn't. It wasn't me, but it was. It's confusing yes, but not at the same time. I run outside into the cold air, and wrap my arms around myself. I lean up against the wall, and cough a few times. I put my hand up on the wall, and try not to vomit. I'm not suppose to run for that long, I'm still recovering from my hospital visit. I wrap my arms around myself, and try to warm myself up.

Jimmy was the first person Todd brought over to the apartment when I was there the first month. Todd told me to stay in his bedroom until they were done discussing. I did stay in the room, and kept quiet. I didn't move, and I didn't make a sound. They came in, and they beat me until I was unconscious. I don't know how long I was out, but when I came to I had a huge cut on my spine. I still have that scar, and it burns every month or so.

I slid down against the wall, and sit there with my head in my hands. The door opens, and I hear it close." Hey." I hear, and look up to see Jack." You're glad Mark didn't find out you ran off, I would've gotten my ass kicked." He says, and that makes me smile a bit. He sits against the wall with me, and then Bob comes out. He sits down as well." I um...called Mark. Told him we had a little accident. Nothing severe, and that we were sitting outside." He says, and I smile." Thanks Uncle Bob." I say, and he smiles.

Few minutes later, the Grumps, Mark, and Wade come out of the door. They all sit in a big circle around me, and I just sit there." I want to know what happened, now." Mark says, looking angry. I shiver a bit, and I sigh." I ran into one of Todd's old friends. His name is Jimmy, and I broke his nose. He kept asking me where Todd was, and I went Black." I say, my shoulders slouching a little bit." Do you know him personally?" Mark asks, and I nod." Yeah, he gave me one of my biggest scars." I say, and they all look at me." They beat me, then they carved me." I say, and Mark looks at me with so much sadness." I'm so..." Mark tries to say, and I stand up." Don't say you're sorry, because it isn't your fault! It was their damn fault, and I don't want to talk about this shit anymore! Having to see myself as that type of monster is something I don't want to think about!" I say, and he just stares up at me." Lyca..." He tries to talk again, and I cut him off again.

"You know how many times I've tried to just end it, to try anything to escape that hell? I tried six other things to escape that hell, then tried suicide. I always got caught, always! Trying to hang myself, cut straight down my arms, overdosing on pills, everything!" I yell at him, and he stands up." Lyca, he can't hurt you anymore, you need to remember that." He says, and I just shake my head." No! You don't understand. You aren't listening!" I say, and he puts his hands on my shoulders." What am I not getting, tell me." He says, and puts his arms around me. He kneels in front of me, and I feel tears run down my face. I'm shaking, and he keeps me steady.

"They wouldn't stop, they just.... wouldn't." I say, and Mark wipes my cheeks off. I keep my eyes on the ground." I want to go home." I mumble, and he hugs me." How about we get some food, and just take a breather from Pax?" Mark asks, and picks me up. It actually sounds really good to me, and I nod." Yeah, I would like that." I say, and he hugs me close to his chest." Hey we understand, sometimes we have overloads." Danny says as he gets up, and I smile at him. He rubs my cheeks, and kisses my forehead. Mark carries me out to the car, and sets me down in the passenger seat. We squish into one car, which sounds impossible with so many of us. I'm on Danny's lap in the front, Arin Suzy and Barry are in the middle seat, Wade and Ross are sitting on the floor in front of them, Jack Bob and Molly are sitting in the way back. It's really tight, but we got it.

"Okay, where do we want to go?" Mark asks, and I shrug." Some place where we can just relax. Probable a cafe?" I ask, and he nods." Yeah, that sounds perfect." Mark says, and starts driving. He finds a small cafe that has a big table in the back for study groups." Sure, lets say we're studying with you for school." Danny says as we walk into the big table area. We sit at a table, and we see games on the tables. Chess boards, Checkers, and Scrabble. Mark sets up Checkers in between us as our coffee and food arrives. We play and talk about things as we enjoy each others company." So, how did you survive in there? How did you get food?" Bob asks from the far end of the table." Well I kept winning in competitions, so I bought a bunch of sandwiches to keep myself healthy." I say, and almost squirt coffee out of my nose. Danny just fell out of his chair.

We leave the cafe we feel full and energized, we head back to Pax. I'm feeling much better after talking out my feelings, and I start smiling more. Danny sees me smiling, and kisses my cheek. I feel so happy right now.