A Geek In Modern Times: Jesse's Journal

2/23/16

Well, when it comes to Mikayla, not much has changed. She still doesn't want to talk to me. Also, I got some actually decent sleep last night. I have a headache, but that's pretty much it. Now, looking back, I realize that the past couple updates have been kind of harsh, and I am sorry Mikayla, if you're reading this. I am so sorry for how upset I've been getting over stuff. A lot of the things you said Friday night were right. I need to move on, and I have. I just want to be friends again. I don't want to just be another face in the crowd to you from now on. I want to be friends. Just friends. I just can't ever really say this to her face because 1.) I worry she'll just be upset and reject me and 2.) She's constantly trying to hurry away from me whenever we're in viewing distance from each other. That's how it seems, anyway. I don't want to do it over text because, well, that's just not as... genuine, I guess. It would just feel a lot more personal in person. Plus, I suck at getting my point across through text.  *Update* I apologized to her after second hour. She said "it's fine". I still don't know if she's willing to be friends or not, though. *Update #2* I talked to her again. Before seventh hour, while she was at her locker, I tapped on her shoulder and told her I had a question. She then said "What is it?" in a tone that gave me the feeling that she didn't want me to be there. I considered just saying "never mind" and heading to class, but I decided against it. So, I asked, "Do you have track on Fridays now?" to which she replied "No." I then told her that I noticed that she wasn't with the rest of us Friday after school. Then, she said that there was an open practice that day that she went to. She was already walking away at this point, and I didn't want to bother her too much, so I headed to class. Anyway, on to that other stuff I mentioned a few days ago.

So, let's start with the schedule change. After a discussion with our parents, Payton and I have a new schedule for going between Mom's and Dad's houses. So, Every weekday (Monday-Friday), we will be spending the night at our Dad's house. Two of those days, however, we will spend the afternoon and evening with Mom, then come back to Dad's around 9:30 or 10:00. As for the weekend (Saturday & Sunday), we will alternate between my Mom's and Dad's houses every week. Hopefully, this new schedule will help us as much as I think it will.

Next, the onslaught. There was more furniture punching, ear-piercing screams, table smacking, and even an airborne computer. Do I have your attention yet? Well, buckle up, because, as I said previously, this time, it wasn't Mark. That's right. The horrible step-demon that screams and threatens me to the point of me almost committing suicide didn't do it this time. This time, it was my real father. Before we get into what happened, let me give you some of the backstory. The truth is, with all of the stuff happening to me over the past month-and-a-half, I have barely done any homework at all for school,  and it has not made my dad happy. He's been nagging me for weeks and weeks that I need to get all of this done. Then, after weeks of this shit, he couldn't take it anymore. He started off by pulling my grades up and telling me how tired he was of it in a frustrated tone. Then, when he asked me why I didn't finish a Data Processing assignment, I told him I couldn't manage to finish it within the time restraints. Then, he asked me why. Well, to be honest, there was no specific reason. I tried to finish it, but I failed to do so within the time restraints. There was no specific reason for it. I just couldn't manage to finish it in time. When I tried to explain this to Dad, he just kept asking why. I just kept trying to reword it in a way that he could maybe understand, but he eventually snapped. He started by pounding on the table. Then, he screamed as loud as he does when he spends two hours trying to get the oil filter out of his truck. He screamed for ten minutes about how I can't do a single goddamn thing right. He was only one f-bomb away from directly quoting Mark. He kept hitting the table over and over again. Eventually, he stormed across the kitchen and started punching the sink. He had to grab a couple paper towels to wipe spit off of his mouth too. Gross. When he marched back over, he pointed his finger at me and said, "why didn't you finish that assignment?" (it was an in-class assignment by the way).  I slowly told him "I just couldn't finish the assignment in one class period". Then, he turned and hit the table so hard that the laptop on which he had my grades pulled up flew into the air a couple feet and fell back down onto the table, nearly breaking it in half. This whole time, he was screaming about how I wasn't going to graduate and how he isn't going to pay for college anymore and just how much I screw up. Thanks Dad, it's not like I think about that every day or anything. Then, he just started crying and gave me a hug. He apologized for everything he had just yelled at me and done. He then made dinner for me and pretty much just non-stop apologized for the rest of the night. That night, there were marks...

Lastly, there was another death in the family. It was my cousin from Colorado. He was a really nice boy. He was a little older than me, and in college if I remember correctly. He was an amazing guy. I rarely got to see him, but when I did, he always wanted to know everything that had happened since the last time we saw him. It's just a pretty sad loss. Our Uncle Bob is really hit hard by it. I'm kind of pissed at my grandpa for not going to the funeral. He says he doesn't want to pay that much money to go, but he goes to fishing tournaments multiple times every month in Colorado, so that makes a whole lot of sense.

Oh, I just remembered something. Yesterday, to help me finish "moving on", I wrote a song about this whole thing. It's about me wanting a girl back, but she thinks I did something bad, so she doesn't trust nor like me anymore, so I have to make a decision as to whether I should crawl back to her again or move on. The song starts feeling more on the crawling back to her side, but by the end of the song, I have moved on completely. I feel very proud of this song. It's called "A Path Decided". I will post an update to this story with the lyrics later. 

Anyway, I can't really think of anything else to include today. I just want to be friends with Mikayla again. That's all I want. Anyway, I'm out of time. Until next time, this is your friendly neighborhood pool guy singin, "I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with youuuuuuuuu OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" (Deadpool reference)