Possessed

Possessed - Chapter Nineteen

Why did the only true innocent person have to be the one that died? I would gladly give up my life if it would mean he could come back and live his. He wasn’t supposed to die. We were supposed to cause hell in a retirement home together.

“Devon,” Spencer said softly, sitting on my bed. Yesterday I had been released from the hospital and I was back at my parents’ house. I don’t even remember arriving here.

I looked up and my eyes filled with tears. He’d been there and knew exactly what had happened but so far he’d explained so little. “I need to know and if you’re not going to tell me you can just leave.”

He sighed. “I’ve told you what happened. Devon, if I could have stopped her and saved Dante I would have. It all happened so fast.” I knew I was wrong to blame him. I didn’t really blame him. I just wanted answers.

“She called him and told him to come to the flat?”

“Not exactly. She told him to say goodbye to you. He came because he was afraid she was going to hurt you.” And he ended up dead. “He wanted to save you. Devon, he loved you and would have done anything. I know you would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed.”

“Still doesn’t make it okay that he’s dead. He’s dead, Spencer.” A sob erupted from my gut and I dropped the phone. He wasn’t coming back. Spencer’s arms slowly wrapped around me, like he was giving me time to push him away like I had been doing. I didn’t have the energy to fight. I’d barely slept and if it wasn’t for the sleeping tablets I don’t think I would have gotten any since I found out. I collapsed into his arms and cried.

“Shh,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save him for you.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I sobbed and for the first time I truly believed it. Dante’s life wasn’t Spencer’s responsibility and he couldn’t have known what she was going to do. “I miss him so much.” I scrunched my eyes closed as my heart shattered all over again.

Spencer stayed with me the whole day. We barely spoke, I wasn’t in the mood to be social but I was glad he didn’t leave.

“Do you think he died instantly?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied immediately. He couldn’t know that of course. Dante was dead by the time the paramedics arrived but that didn’t mean it was instant. He could have suffered. Spencer said the ambulance seemed to take forever. I’m sure it didn’t but things like that always took longer than what you needed.

I didn’t argue it because I desperately needed to believe he wasn’t in any pain. “Do you think he hates me?”

“Are you kidding? Devon, he loved you. He knew what he was walking into and he did it anyway.”

He died for me. I thought I couldn’t feel any worse than I did but I hit a new level of guilt.

I couldn’t go in the church. No matter how many times Spencer said he would hold my hand and be beside me every second, I couldn’t go in. Even my parents were in there saying goodbye. I didn’t know how to say goodbye to someone that for years had been everything. So me and Spencer sat on an old bench in the church yard waiting for the funeral to be over.

I wanted to curl up in bed and sleep until it didn’t hurt so much I wanted to be sick but Spencer and my parents made sure I got out of bed, ate and took my pain medication. Sometimes I skipped one, pretending I’d taken it to see if I still hurt. I ached more than anything.

“Why him?” I asked for the thousandth time.

“I’m sorry, Devon.” He said that for the thousandth time too. I had to keep reminding myself that I could have lost him too. There was no way I would be able to cope if I’d lost them both.