Jealousy [Four Years #10]

August 31, 2013

I thought you were buried

But hearing that

Brought you back to (my) life

Tears that were already dry

Roll down my cheeks, knowing the way

That girl can't be in love with you

I'm the one who knows you longer

I'm the one who fell for you first

I'm the one who thinks about you all the damn time

When those words left my friend's mouth

I should have felt relief

But another thing came to life

Jealousy for the second time

But way more stronger

I tried to pretend everything was okay

When clearly it was not

I couldn't even pay attention to my friends

My emotions were eating me alive

I just knew I had to escape

I managed to leave

Babbling a silly excuse

I have no idea if they know

But it was the closest they got to discover about you

I kept control of my emotions

'Till I reached my room

All I wanted to do was mope and cry

Throwing myself into bed

With a buried face in the pillow

I did exactly that

The sounds I made didn't help bury my memories

That went through my crazy mind

And they were the best and worst ones

Dropped pencil, locked eyes and you chasing me

Can't forget and probably never will

(No matter how strong is my will)

Crying in silence is what I do best

No one in my house noticed me

I'm used to it

You never did

And that is what hurts me the most,

You noticed her

Know how she feels

And even without you saying something

Is more than I ever got from you

I'm angry at her

I'm angry at you

I'm angry at me

How many times this stupid me is going to win?

Stupid because I'm already thinking of what I need to do

To show to all of them that I'm the one in love with you

Even not knowing if you feel the same way too